small town girl in a big city.

city starling.

2011-03-09T16:28:00.002-05:00

So I have decided to create a new blog! I am not getting rid of this one. I just want to use this one to blog about my personal life (i.e. john's christmas gift to me, travels, new adventures in DC) and use the new one as a lifestyle blog that can be more mainstream (i.e. fashion week, gift guide, books, etc).

the new blog is citystarling.tumblr.com

i hope you stick around to read this one (i promise to get better about updating it more frequently!) and check out the new one as well :)

all along the tuileries : Finale

2011-02-07T16:45:00.000-05:00

Spring 2011

[continued]

all along the tuileries : part 4

2011-01-28T16:01:00.000-05:00

Spring 2011
[continued]

Eli Saab

Jason Wu

all along the tuileries : part 3

2011-01-20T23:45:00.000-05:00

all along the tuileries : part 2

2011-01-19T22:24:00.017-05:00

More of my favorites from Fashion Week Spring 2011.

Naeem Khan

Jil Stuart

Milly

Pucci

Valentino

Mulberry

Helmut Lang

Gucci

Derek Lam

Chloe

Jil Sander

Miu Miu

Rocky Mountain High

2011-01-12T22:04:00.012-05:00

John and I usually exchange gifts together, no matter the occasion, but this year John asked me to open my present from him on Christmas Day.... without him. He finally had to stop asking & just TELL me to do it because I was not having it whatsoever. The reaction is the best part! He made me promise him that I would open it with all of my other presents from my family on Christmas morning; no earlier, no later. So of course my mind immediately starts going a mile a minute trying to figure out what it could possibly be. When the present finally arrived 3 days before Christmas, I still had no idea what it could be. I was even more clueless when i actually SAW the present wrapped up. Honestly - my first instinct was "it looks like a calendar....."

SPOILER ALERT.....

.....it was not.

So on Christmas morning, I chose to open his present first (duh), partly because I am about to die to know what it is. Thus begins our "photo narration" (thanks to debbie being a little too trigger happy with the camera).......

Yes, we often call each other by our first & last names....

At this point I could tell it was an old record.... I just was unsure of which record it was.

Notice how confused I look because I still do not recognize the record. I was also very concerned that this was some vintage-worth a ton of money-type thing and he had taped the paper straight to it.... there goes our chance at getting rich because this thing just went way down in value.

This would be the point when I am saying "I don't get it....... at all"

It was a record: Rocky Mountain High by John Denver.

I know the singer, as well as the song, but John & I have never even mentioned John Denver or this song in our 2 years & 9 months of dating. It has no sentimental value & does not register in my memory was significant. I actually have no memory of it at all. I start saying "He must have gotten John Denver confused with someone like Bob Dylan", whom I really like.

Then I open the record cover to find an envelope taped to the inside.

On the envelope John had written the following lyrics from the song Rocky Mountain High:

"He climbed cathedral mountains, he saw silver clouds below
He saw everything as far as you can see."

I opened the envelope to find two slips of paper.

Plane Tickets! It was TWO PLANE TICKETS TO COLORADO!!!

One ticket has my name on it & the other has John's name on it!

I was so excited about the tickets that I had forgotten to look at the date....

JANUARY 14th!!!!
This is my favorite picture from the series.

SO EXCITED for so many reasons!!!

1. I have never been to Colorado & I have wanted to go since I was in high school. Every picture I have ever seen from there has been BEAUTIFUL, so I have been asking John for a while if we could go. Our friends Jessie & Calvin moved out there last July and my first comment was "can we move there too?!" John's response was "you have never even been there." So i began begging if we could go visit because I was sure I would love it & stay forever. He appeased me by saying "Maybe in the spring."

2. We have spent the past year and a half of our relationship going to and from airports, to pick each other up or say goodbye. We have never flown together though. One of the first things I yelled after coming out of my state of shock was "We get to go through security together!!!". We spend a lot of time in airports, but we have never been able to go through security together for the obvious reason of you have to have a boarding pass. I am VERY excited that we get to fly together! I never like sitting by strangers on a plane... too much small talk and awkward brushing of arms.

3. We get to see Jessie & Calvin for the first time since they moved last July! That is why we are going specifically to Denver! It will be so much fun to stay with them and catch up on everything. They are such a fun couple and we were so blessed to both be a part of their wedding in Maine two summers ago.

4. I moved to DC on January 9th and we leave for Colorado January 14th. BEST WEEK EVER!! This is a great way to begin this next chapter of our lives together now that we are finally living in the same city.

I am hoping to see something like this when we are outside of the city.....

but I dont know if we will get THAT lucky!

So that was the story of the best Christmas surprise EVER :)

{ The End }

Comin' home to a place [s]he'd never been before.

-John Denver, Rocky Mountain High

the gift guide.

2010-12-21T22:32:00.022-05:00

Here's a little gift guide for all of you last minute shoppers!
These are things I have either received or given
and would recommend to you.

Only 3 days left!

Coffee Table Books.
I started collecting them years ago. This is the one I asked for this Christmas.
(If I get this, it will be my 4th book on the Kennedy's and/or Jackie O - aka: my icon)

Camelbak water bottle.
I used to never drink water. Now i drink about 3 of these a day.

Tazo Tea.
Passion tea (hot) is my mine & my mom's favorite.

Starbucks Giftcard
your fail-proof plan.

Yearly Subscription to a Magazine.
I subscribe to 5 different magazines. One might say it's an addiction.

Votivo Candles :: Clementine & Clove
This is John's favorite candle & it only comes once a year.

LL Bean Boat & Totes
I have two different sizes & I use them so much. Also my favorite gift to give.

blankets, blankets, & more blankets.
one can never have too many.

the "Lauren" wallet by Hobo International
it goes everywhere with me.

The Game of Things

funniest game ever & my family's favorite.

Spiced Chestnut Soap & Lotion set from Williams Sonoma
This is a holiday exclusive scent. it is heavenly.

Smathers & Branson Needlepoint Key Fobs.
This is the only thing on my keys (besides, well, keys). There are so many different designs.

Leather Gloves.
This particular pair is from Brooks Brothers & is on my Christmas list this year.

Kuhn Rikon Paring Knives.
I'm not sure which I like more: the bright colors they come in or how well they cut. (win win)

What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.

- GEORGE BAILEY
It's a Wonderful Life

all along the tuileries.

2010-10-20T18:19:00.006-04:00

Twice a year I spend a ridiculous amount of time at my computer watching, reading, and studying..... FASHION WEEK. I pick my favorite looks and compile them because I am seeing the shows an entire season early.

From N.Y.C. to L-O-N-D-O-N and then on to Milan & PARIS - I enjoy it all. Paris fashion week has always been my favorite because since it is last and brings a month of fashion to a close, I like to think of it as the grand finale.For those of you unfamiliar, the designers show Spring lines starting in September and Fall lines starting in February, before you have even gotten a chance to wear what you saw last time.

This begins my post of my favorites from Fashion Week Spring 2011. Some collections were so good they have been reserved for a post of their own, while some posts will have picks from multiple collections.

FYI : If you do not enjoy fashion as much as me, you'll want to skip this post and the 5 or so that will follow.

3.1 Philip Lim

3.1 Philip Lim

Alberta Ferretti

Herve Leger

Calvin Klein Collection

Alexander McQueen

Michael Kors

Michael Kors

Matthew Williamson

Proenza Schouler

MaxMara

Lanvin

Lanvin

Marchesa

Marchesa

Marchesa

Tory Burch

Tory Burch

Tory Burch

Peter Som

Peter Som

Peter Som

Talbot Runhof

Talbot Runhof

Talbot Runhof

princes kept the view
while all the women
came and went.
-bob dylan/jimi hendrix

boyfriends.

2010-09-06T15:54:00.001-04:00

I have a slight obsession with the new Levi's campaign. In case you haven't seen it yet, here are the 4 different ads. The first and the last are my favorites.

We Hail Thee, Carolina.

2010-09-04T21:13:00.016-04:00

. . . . . . . it's time for . . . . . . .

the sweet sound of
2001

a sea of B L A C K and G A R N E T

81,000 people yelling

GAME.....COCKS......GAME.....COCKS

family traditions

Williams Brice

Cocky
(& my favorite fellow gamecock, Wilksy)

true freshmen

Sir Big Spur

the head ball coach

C A R O L I N A F O O T B A L L

---------------

Here's a health, Carolina, forever to thee!

Jackie the Great.

2010-08-15T23:25:00.003-04:00

Some days a girl wakes up & looks in her big closet full of clothes, shoes, and bags only to be plagued with the contradictory thought "I have nothing to wear". On days like those, I wish that I could have access to couture collections all over the world (hey - a girl can dream right?) There are a few celebrities that, in my opinion, have the best taste/wardrobe of anyone out there:

Lauren Santo Domingo

Kate Bosworth

Lauren Bush

Anna Dello Russo

Diane Kruger

Viviana Volpicella

Aurora Sansone

Blake Lively

Reese Witherspoon

The only person who, in my opinion, should be on a list all her own is Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. Her style & grace is one that cannot be matched.

I have read books and watched documentaries on her since I was 12. One of my favorite movies is Jackie, Ethel, & Joan : The Women of Camelot. (i know - im a pretty big dork) When I recently found out that the History Channel was creating an 8 episode mini-series titled "The Kennedys", I was so excited! I was imagining who would play the infamous Jackie O. Who could they find to match the flawless performance of Jill Hennessy in The Women of Camelot?

When I found out that Katie Holmes had been cast to play Jackie O I was horrified. To say that I was disappointed is an understatement. I might be singing a different tune when this mini-series debuts in 2011, but there is nothing in me that sees her in this role. Also - Greg Kinnear will be portraying JFK, also a choice that I am very skeptical of.

I am looking forward to the fact that the History Channel is putting this together because they have assembled a group of historians to develop it so that it is as accurate as possible. There is already buzz of Emmy nominations. I guess I will have to wait and see how the chosen fair in the portayl of one of America's most infamous families.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -Mark Twain

i dont like YouTube.

2010-08-13T13:02:00.005-04:00

I don't like YouTube.

There, I said it.

I just don't enjoy sitting and watching stupid video after stupid video for hours on end. Maybe it has to do something with the fact that my brother, my boyfriend, & my guy friends could spend an entire day watching YouTube videos. I just dont ever think the videos are that funny. However - there are a few videos that I have seen recently (thanks to my brother) that I just can't get enough of. Maybe i am starting to actually like YouTube just a little bit.

So here are my 3 favorite YouTube videos of the moment:

give me a book & the beach.

2010-07-27T16:17:00.007-04:00

Every year before the annual family beach trip, my attention drifts to one thing. While most (normal) girls would be getting new bathingsuits and sundresses, I am very carefully & pointedly picking out the most important thing to pack.....books. I agonize over my selections - Is it set in the summer? Will it be a page turner that I dont want to put down? The one problem in all of this tends to nag at me in the form of a question for weeks before i leave - Will I have enough books to last the entire week? To most this sounds ridiculous and silly, but to me it is a concern full of validity. I have always been a bookworm, whether sneaking them into restaurants as a child or sitting on the beach all day, I prefer to spend my free time reading. My record for most books read during one beach trip (which is usually saturday to saturday) is 6. Now do you understand why I am concerned I might not have enough!

This is what I have picked to take with me so far:

A novel of cheeky satire about a Chelsea art gallery that has a piece of art hanging in it that no one cares about until the artist suddenly dies. The painting's name is the same as the book - so no, I'm not reading a self-help book about doubting God.

This novel follows to college friends who have feelings that have yet to confess for the other. The story begins the day after they graduate and continues on from there. “One Day” checks in on their intersecting lives once a year, every July 15, from 1988 through 2007. I am under the impression that it will be a version of the movie guys and girls alone like, When Harry Met Sally.

I am finding it impossible to go any amount of time this summer without reading a novel by Pat Conroy. After reading South of Broad, Mr. Conroy's style of writing has poisoned me and I no longer enjoy reading anything else. I would even go as far to say that he is south carolina's father of fiction.

Everyone has buzzed about it for years, but I just assumed it was about carnies. Then i found out that Hollywood is putting it out on the big screen, staring Reese Witherspoon (my personal fave) & Robert Pattinson. Needless to say I bought the book immediately after hearing this.

A classic and one of my all time favorites. It never gets old.

"Books were this wonderful escape for me because I could open a book and disappear into it.

- Dean Koontz

Omaha bound!

2010-06-13T17:15:00.001-04:00

I like to consider this my 25th birthday present.

The gamecocks are headed back to Omaha for the College World Series!

GO COCKS!

the color of money & the trees i wished it grew on.

2010-06-12T11:35:00.002-04:00

InStyle.com has a section titled "We're Obsessed: If money were no object". I like to browse through the things they have picked to lust over, not merely driven by materialistic cravings, but because they, like myself, see it as a form of art. The other half of the desire is simple: who WOULDN'T want to wear couture?! I sometimes catch myself making mental list of beautiful things I want that come with a heavy, would-never-pay-that-much-for-that price tag. It is a free way to get some retail therapy. Sometimes it is nice to do a little fantasy shopping in a fictitious world where money grows on trees. This is what I am wanting right now, that is until the leaves begin to change. Cartier Trinity Ring 3-Gold

(yellow: fidelity / White: friendship / rose: love)

$1,050

Bottega Veneta Cocolave Crocodile Tote
$25,000

Brian Atwood Weston Slingbacks
$895

Lucifer Vir Honestus

Turquoise and Diamond Earrings
$3,300

Roberto Cavalli Silk Floral Caftan
$1,640

Proenza Schouler Tie-dye Tank Dress
$2,760

Jonathan Saunders Knighton Dress
$1,210

Nicholas Kirkwood
Fluro Python Lace-up Sandals
$1,218

Ralph Lauren

Lamé and Tulle Embroidered Dress

$15,000

Bottega Veneta Twisted Karung Bag

$3,600

Fashion Fades. Style is eternal.

-YSL

the innocent & the beautiful.

2010-05-19T21:45:00.011-04:00

I read a blog that an adorable newlywed writes. her name is Megan and she happened to do a recent post about beauty products that she swears by. I enjoyed reading it so much! I have used a few things that magazines have recommended and have been disappointed, but I'll take her word any day (due to her beautiful skin & hair) If you would like to check out her suggestions you can find them here. Also, another cute newlywed (Brittney) was inspired to do a blog entry of her favorite beauty products after reading Megan's post. She is absolutely hysterical and you can find her here. Brittney actually just did a post on her favorite household products. Since i enjoy cleaning so much (seriously - it's like therapy for me) I thought it was fabulous. I have since recommended both of these blogs to my friend Jessica because she is a beauty product addict. I cant wait to try products off of the other girls' blogs!

Now to add to the collection of the best beauty products. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed Megan's & Brittney's.

All About Eyes Concealer
clinique

This concealer works magic for people like me with really dark circles. It not only covers dark under eyes, it brightens and is really lightweight. I have it in 2 different tints: one for when i'm tan, one for when i'm not.

Light Blue
Dolce & Gabbana

I have used this perfume for about 4 years now. It is very citrus-like and smells like summer to me. I tried to find a new perfume to wear in the winter, but I kept coming back to this scent. I cannot get enough of it and I will probably wear it until they stop making it. Hopefully that day will never come.

Tide To Go Pen

I know that this is not a beauty product, but it is just as much a staple in my purse as any makeup I use. I carry this everywhere with me, mainly because I am ridiculously clumsy and manage to spill coffee on myself just about every day. This really does do the trick. You just press the pen down where the stain is and it releases spot remover. Then you use the pen to scrub it into the material. It dries quickly and makes stains disappear. The stain doesn't set and it is a quick fix until I can get home tp throw my article of clothing in the wash.

Spray De Mode
Bumble & Bumble

The best smelling products around: anything by Bumble. I used to use Treseme hair spray until I realized it had glue in it and was causing my hair to fall out. I have always been a fan of Bumble products (styling spray, prep, surf spray, etc) but this might be my favorite of them all. It gives you hold without making hair stiff or sticky. My hair still moves and appears to have nothing on it. It is lightweight and gives a nice polish to my hair. I use it every morning... partly because it smells so amazing. It is definitely not the cheapest hairspray, topping out at $25, but it lasts for about 5 months. My mom thought it was an outrageous price to pay at first, but after using it for the past 2 months, she's whistling a different tune.

Cremesheen Lipglass
MAC

If chapstick and lipgloss mated, this would be the product. It hydrates and provides color. I own it in 2 colors: (shown above) & (hot pink). The wand is a sponge, which makes applying it easier. I really like that it is not at all sticky. It looks good by itself, as well as over lipstick. I am also a huge fan of Dior addict lipgloss because it serves the same purpose, but it is a brush and makes application more difficult (in my opinion). Plus, the MAC ($16) is about half the price of the Dior ($30).

Antifade Complex Hydrating Conditioner
Pureology

This conditioner became one of my favorite things about getting a haircut. It smells soooo good. I used to resist washing my hair for as long as I could stand it so that the smell wouldnt get washed away. It also does not make my hair greasy at all and it lasts forever because you only use a nickel size amount each time. It is about $27. The good thing is Ulta sells it so i can use my coupons!

Super Skinny Smoothing Serum
Paul Mitchell

My hairdresser, Melody, uses this on my hair to create a polished, anti-frizz finish. I buy it at Ulta and it runs about $17 (less with my coupons). I put one squirt of it into my hands, rub them together, then comb my fingers through my hair after when it is still damp. My hair is a mess without it.

Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheets
Johnson & Johnson

These are not anything new. I have used these since sophmore year of high school. They absorb all of the oil on your face without removing or smudging your makeup. They are about $5 and can be found at any grocery store, walmart, target, drug store, or ulta. I never leave home without them in my purse. Pretty much a brilliant product that I wish I would've thought of myself....I could be permanently vacationing in Bora Bora right now.

Make-up Remover Cleansing Towelettes
Neutrogena

I use these every day for two reasons: they leave my skin feeling clean & moisturized; they smell so good. They remove makeup, clean skin & hydrate it all at the same time. Plus, sometimes I am just too tired to actually wash my face. These are great for arms and legs, especially after spending hours in an airport/on a plane. I don't travel without them.

OPI Nail Polish

The two bottles of nail polish go together. I couldn't figure out how to get the pictures side by side though. oh well. I have quite a nail polish fetish. It became even worse when Ulta started doing buy 2 get one free. I was going to put how many bottles of nail polish i actually own, but I was embarrassed at the total. They are all OPI, with the exception of one China Glaze and 3 Essie. The OPI polish is thick in its consistency and the brush is big. I find that Essie polish has a tiny brush, is water thin, and chips easier. I barely ever go a day without polish on my nails. I am beginning to forget what they look like bare. With that said, I cant have a polish that does not have staying power. I would be painting them every day & that is just a waste. My two staples are shown above: for fall & winter i use Lincoln Park After Dark; summer & spring i use OPI Collins Avenue. I usually go through 2 bottles of each during those 6 month periods. I wear a lot of other colors from OPI, but these are two that I always go back to.

Powder Blush

Nars

My face gets really red and embarassed when I have to ask for this in Sephora if I cannot find it or they are out of it. The name of this color is Orgasm, but it is so great I ditch my usual modesty. It is the universal blush that looks great on every skin tone. Also, it lasts forever. I have had mine for a yr & a half and I use it every day. My skin looks sunkissed and appears to have a natural glow when I wear this blush.

Grapefruit Lemongrass Bodywash
Dove

I am a sucker for anything grapefruit, whether it be flavored or scented. This body wash makes my skin smell amazing and it has the exfoliating beads in it. By far my favorite body wash in a long time.

Dior Show Mascara

I am not ashamed to say that I paid $25 for this mascara because it is the best I have ever used. Long lasting mascara that I never need to touchup. I put it on in the morning and it is still in perfect condition when I get home. It has cashmere in it, which is what makes the lashes thicker and longer. It is as if I am wearing beautiful fake eyelashes. My eyes pop when I have this mascara on. It is my #1 beauty product by far. I have had mine since December. The best tip I ever learned from a model in a magazine is when your mascara starts to dry out, pour a few drops of diet coke in it. Works like a charm and makes your mascara good as new. This particular mascara was created when a makeup artist backstage at a Dior show could not get enough mascara out of the one he was using. So he cut off the top and used a toothbrush to get more mascara out and began applying it with that. It became such a problem-solving hit that Dior created a mascara with a big brush that makes your eyelashes look amazing. And we all lived happily ever after....

Tinted Moisturizing Lotion

MAC

This evens out my skin tone and adds a little bit of color to my face. It also helps that it has SPF 15 so I know that my skin is always protected. The MAC foundation brush is the only other thing you need. My face looks so dead in the morning until I put this on. It makes my skin look alive & flawless.

Q-Tips & Floss

These are two products (not really beauty products) that I cannot live without. I use them both obsessively, but I am okay with that because it just means I have good hygene. I am not picky about the brand of floss, even though Crest Glide is by far the best. When it comes to Q tips, there is only one brand: its namesake. The others just dont do the trick for me.

The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but time.

-W.B. Yeats

haiti.

2010-02-25T14:00:00.004-05:00

As a shepherd cares for his herd in the day when he is among his scattered sheep,

so I will care for My sheep and will deliver them from all the places

to which they were scattered on a cloudy and gloomy day.

-Ezekiel 34:12

Be Italian.

2010-02-04T12:11:00.023-05:00

It seems to me that the Italians were born with an effortless sense of fashion.
They make it look easy, yet so perfectly put together.
It is as if they have a sixth sense for rich leathers and luxurious fabrics.
Timeless style runs through their veins and it is that of which i am envious.

[all photographs : Scott Schumann]

“It is a time to look toward the future, without denying the past.”
-miuccia prada

layering at its best.

2010-01-07T12:16:00.000-05:00

http://www.nicholask.com/

hope in the dark.

2009-12-06T18:46:00.007-05:00

This is an article from the NY Times that John brought to my attention. it is about giving aid to africa & it actually making a direct impact instead of being poured into things that do not make a difference in the impoverished nation.

These are the faces of some of the orphans of malawi that are benefiting from an orphanage called Home of Hope. Orphans here are not only provided with three meals a day, an education, shoes, clothes, and showers, but a place to call home.

The fact that this article was written & published in one of the biggest publications in the nation, gives me hope that Americans are being educated about the crisis in Malawi. It is things like this that raise awareness about what is taking place a world away on foreign soil.

I recently signed a petition that went to SC representative, Bob Inglis, to propose that the U.S. further expand the funds that we give to poverty stricken nations. It was passed and I most recently signed the petition that will now go to President Obama for the final decision. Go to ONE to join in the fight against poverty.

"GOD is in the slums,
in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house.
GOD is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus
that will end both their lives.
GOD is in the cries heard under the rubble of war.
GOD is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives,
and GOD is with us if we are with them."

-BONO

America, the broken.

2009-12-05T12:32:00.000-05:00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all doing direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. -Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Kings & Queens

2009-12-03T21:05:00.004-05:00

Thirty Seconds To Mars - Kings + Queens - HD

30 Seconds to Mars | MySpace Music Videos

It was like coming home.

2009-10-21T15:15:00.003-04:00

I know this is not the 1st time i have blogged about Real Simple Magazine and im sure it wont be the last. Every issue has a question of the month that is featured. the readers write to the magazine and then a handful of responses are published in the next issue. I enjoy reading this section because it is a collection of different opinions and views from people all over the nation.

This month's featured question was "What Does HOME Mean To You". I thought i would share some of the responses that people gave:

Home is being around people who can drive you absolutely crazy one moment & make you feel like a million dollars the next. it's knowing that no matter how hard times get, someone is there for you. -L.W. (Winnemucca, Nevada)

Home means catching fireflies out on the front lawn with my brother. -S.C. (Cary,NC)

It's where I don't have to be perfect. I can put on my pj's & sit down with a glass of wine. -V.H. (Rochester, Minnesota)

A warm bed that you can't get out of in the morning, a tiny pink toothbrush in the bathroom, & the sound of my husband's keys in the door at the end of the day. -D.N. (Charlotte, NC)

The smell of my mother's perfume. -L.N. (San Diego, California)

My husband & I married 7 yrs ago, & we've moved about every year since. Home to me is unpacking that last box. -M.R. (seattle, washington)

Home is where the rags of your life are turned into quilts, lemons become lemonade, and a few extra pounds are simply welcomed as "more of you to love". -S.B. (Four States, WV)

My husband & i lost our home to Hurricane Ivan in 2004. We purchased a 29-ft RV, parked it next to the shell of our house & called it home for 2 years while we rebuilt. We laugh, because although we now have a big, beautiful new house, we just cant seem to part with that little RV. Home is where you happen to be, even if the circumstances arent stellar. -G.M. (gulf breeze, fl)

Every room in my parent's home is filled with memories: the dining room where we ate holiday meals, crammed around a table too small for the crowd, and the kitchen where my brother once cut off one of my braids. Although we won't have the house forever, we will always have the love that came from within its walls. -G.W. (glenview, illinois)

A warm dog curled up by your feet at bedtime. -J.A.M. (seattle, washington)

Home means predictablity in an uncertain world. -M.R.B. (arlington heights, Illinois)

Home is the smell of my husband's neck, right below his ear. -S.J.B. (Corpus Christi, TX)

Our 1999 VW passat wagon. My husband drove me to my law-school graudation in it. it took us on our 5th wedding anniversary trip. we used it to move into our house. when i was in labor, our passat took me to the hospital & brought us home after our son was born. My husband wants a new car, but when i look at our old one, I realize that I have spent more time in it than in our house. It is in that VW that we have mulled over big decisions, enjoyed the scenery, cried, laughed & sung songs. It's our home. -M.J. (washington, dc)

Bathingsuits dangling from the deck rail, a healthy pour of crisp white wine in my glass, and the scent of the grill on my husband's shirt. -A.M. (Oak Park, Illinois)

A log cabin in the snowy mountains, where I'm wrapped in a soft blanket on an oversize plaid couch in front of a roaring fire in a great stone fireplace, drifting to sleep in this toasty-warm room. -M.B. (east greenwich, RI)

For me, home is the sound of my husband's laughter, my spaniel's boundless joy, & a bouquet of fresh flowers on the table. -C.B. (houston, TX)

The smell of fresh laundry and a hot cup of tea. -C.K. (highland, illinois)

Home means snow skis still sitting in the living room in June, dishes in the sink, too much artwork for too little wall space, and indian takeout in the fridge. -A.G. (berkley, california)

Home is welcome chaos. -R.E. (phoenixville, pa)

A good man, a good chair, and a good wine. -D.S. (redding, california)

After reading these and the many others that were published, I stared thinking about what was home to me. It also made me wonder what other people think home is. i was thinking it would be really cool if people commented on this post with their answer to "What does home mean to you" :) i'll go first.

Home to me means: Always running late, my loud, dramatic family talking over each other, my mom making pancakes every saturday morning, the smell of fresh cut grass at dusk, dad's insanely large music collection, my brother sleeping until 1 pm, the distinct smell of my sister, my grandparents dancing in the kitchen while cooking, the laughter of my friends, ella & emmy's blue eyes, trey's flighty-ness, hotdogs & brownies, the quilt my great-great grandmother made, walks with john.

It was like coming home, only to no home I'd ever known. I was just taking her hand to help her out of a cab.
-sleepless in seattle

i'll eat you up i love you so.

2009-10-20T16:38:00.010-04:00

I have been utterly enchanted by spike jonze's brilliant idea to bring one of the most famous children books to the big screen. i cant help but get all warm and fuzzy when a preview of Where the Wild Things Are comes on tv. i cannot wait until i have a free moment to go and see it!

Doesnt every kid at some point or another create another place to go to figure out the world we live in? i still find myself liberated by my own imagination. longing to create a world of my own. i know i wasnt meant to be king & when i try to, it only causes problems. i am not in control, orchestrating everything the way i would like it.

but i do still find myself wanting to get on a sailboat, driven by hope & desire.
i know exactly where i would go.

she's been here too few years
But still it's much too long
And i always say, it would be good to go away,
someday.
-m20

and it spread.

2009-10-13T16:49:00.011-04:00

I used to feel as if i was drowning. bobbing in rough waters, being tossed back and forth by an angry sea. grasping for something, anything that would pull me out of the water. it really is true what they say, you have to lose everything to find it; to find Him. it's worth it though. all that time spent lost at sea. in the end, it is worth it. when He pulls you out of the cold, harsh water. He had no intent of letting you drown. it actually pained Him to watch you suffer like that, but He couldnt help you until you asked for it. He repairs and makes everything new & beautiful again. Then came the breath of fresh air & it was him who taught me to love life once more. to look at the moon & the stars. listen to classical music & NPR. see new places & enjoy new things.

one year & 7 months later, im still learning from him. about books, football, history and music. those are my favorite things that we share with each other.

Bob Dylan once said:

"I consider myself a poet first and a musician second.
I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet."

I think that the Avett Brothers are the closest thing to fit that statement since Dylan. Their words are as beautiful as the music they make. i needed this song. ive been searching for it, waiting for it, even before it was ever written.

----------------------------------------

There was light in the room
Then you left and it was through
Then the frost started in
My toes and fingertips

And it spread into my heart

Then for I don't know how long
I settled in to doing wrong
And as the wind fills the sail
Came the thought to hurt my self

And it spread into my home
And it spread
And it spread into my soul

Well there are no lines
Separating the truth from the lies

Then you came back from space
With a brand new laugh and a different face
You took my hand and held it up
And shot my arm full of love

And it spread
And it spread into the world.

-the avett brothers

----------------------------------------

dearest howard,

you are the new laugh, the different face.
thank you for holding my hand.

- me

anthropologie.

2009-10-06T13:33:00.002-04:00

Dear Anthropologie,

I wish i lived inside of your fall catalog.

P.S. I want everything you've got.

Sincerely,

Jamie

--------------------->

www.anthropologie.com

58 guthrie street.

2009-09-20T22:10:00.003-04:00

i was going to write something insightful, but i think these lyrics are better than anything i could come up with.

The days behind you are haunting
The ones you're living in now
The ghost of your past carries
The weight of your name
Where would you be, who are you
Without the scarring and the heels that stepped on you
That you cling to with all of your strength

An old letter you sent
to help close up wounds that I love to reopen
You can keep on drinking
But never drown out where you've been

The thick skin of remembering
Armor for protection
Let go - freefall - it's scary I know to forgive all of the devils
Let go - i'll catch you
It's scary I know to understand what must be done

-rocky votolato

the man.

2009-09-15T14:14:00.004-04:00

Here we are under moonlight
Words cannot describe
It's clear to me
You're like
The oceans and the light
Try and you'll remember what you used to be
It's clear to me this day will take you for a ride
A place that you once longed to be
And there it is...
-pete yorn

go forth.

2009-09-13T23:22:00.002-04:00

http://goforth.levi.com/newamerican

1. play the film.
2. change the world.

for after the darkness, comes the dawn.

best week ever.

2009-09-03T16:33:00.003-04:00

life is full of things that become a black cloud hanging over me. war. economy. death. sometimes i just have to focus on the little things that make me smile. some of them are nonsense, but i am okay with that :)

reasons why this was the best week ever:

1. monday - 2 words: Rachel Zoe. cant miss it. the biggest guilty pleasure of mine since the Real Housewives of NYC & NJ. love me some Brad. and cant wait to hear "Rodgerrrrrrr" and "i die". thank you bravo!

2. tuesday - september the 1st is an important day of the year. it is a reason to haul it to Starbucks & order a PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE!! this marks the beginning of fall, along side football season, before the leaves even begin to change. bask in the glory & drink it up.

3. wednesday - WAFFLE CONE WEDNESDAY @ TCBY!!! it IS the country's best yogurt & you know it just as well as i do. how recession friendly.

4. thursday - this is the first day of FOOTBALL SEASON for 2009!!! i can hear 2001 now. the flags are flying. let the tailgating begin. oh yeah & GOOOO COCKS! (bonus points: project runway!!)

5. friday - i drive to KY (with debbie) to reunite with my sweet boyfriend :) sheer bliss.

We will often find compensation if we think more of what life has given us
and less about what life has taken away.
-William Barclay

raising awareness.

2009-08-24T11:19:00.001-04:00

A Welsh police department commissioned the film to drive home the dangers of texting behind the wheel. Thank you to the brits for being bold enough to do this to raise awareness. go watch this video ASAP.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtZxT9qt1IE

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/32549978#32549978

had we but world enough, and time.

2009-08-13T16:00:00.001-04:00

To His Coy Mistress

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, Lady, were no crime
We would sit down and think which way
To walk and pass our long love's day.
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find: I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood,
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow;
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, Lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's wingèd chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song: then worms shall try
That long preserved virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust:
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may,
And now, like amorous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour
Than languish in his slow-chapt power.
Let us roll all our strength and all
Our sweetness up into one ball,
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Through the iron gates of life:
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

-Andrew Marvell, circa 1650-52

siskel & ebert.

2009-08-12T23:37:00.004-04:00

so i feel like there are a handful of movies i want to see right now. that would cost me quite a bit of money. about $30 to be exact.

The Goods
two words: jeremy piven.
i think he is hysterical & the preview alone is ridiculous enough. im hooked & ready for some laughs.

The Time Traveler's Wife
i have about 50 pages left to read in the book. it is such a fascinating and different story that has never been told before, that i know of. i am so excited to see this with linney on friday :) movie dates with her are the best. we like to go to target before it starts and stock up on drinks & candy. then we sneak it in. this time, she has the brilliant idea of $1 popcorn at target. she's awesome like that.

500 Days of Summer
i havent seen Joseph Gordon-Levitt since 3rd Rock From the Sun. Im interested to see what he's got. Zooey Deschanel is always enjoyable to watch. bottom line..... im a hopeless romantic.

Movies are like an expensive form of therapy for me.
-Tim Burton

i hate war.

2009-07-23T11:49:00.008-04:00

HULUGHO, Kenya — A thin, dusty line is about the only thing separating Kenya, one of the Western world’s closest allies in Africa, from the Shabab, a radical Islamist militia that has taken over much of southern Somalia, beheading detractors, stoning adulterers and threatening to kill any Americans or Europeans who get in their way.

A Kenyan police officer stood along the Somali border. Some fear the Shabab might infiltrate Kenya and attack Westerners.

In most places this line, the official international border, is not even marked, let alone protected. In the village of Hulugho, there is simply a tattered Kenyan flag and a cinderblock schoolhouse with chicken-wire windows. Then a meadow of thorn trees and donkey dung. Then Shabab country.

Kenya is widely seen as a frontline state against the Islamist extremism smoldering across the Horn of Africa. Few expect the Shabab to make good on its threats to march en masse across the border. But the creeping fear, the one that keeps the security staffs at Western embassies awake at night, is that the Shabab or its foreign jihadist allies will infiltrate Kenya and attack some of the tens of thousands of Westerners living in the country, possibly in a major strike like Al Qaeda did in 1998.

Last month, Western counterterrorism experts in Kenya sent out text messages warning expatriates to stay away from malls in Nairobi, Kenya’s usually laid-back capital, because of possible suicide attacks by the Shabab. A few weeks later, the group threatened to destroy Nairobi’s “tall, glass buildings.”

The Shabab has already penetrated refugee camps inside Kenya, according to camp elders, luring away dozens of young men with promises of paradise — and $300 each. It has carried out cross-border attacks, kidnapping an outspoken cleric in May from a refugee camp 50 miles inside Kenya. Last Wednesday, in one of its boldest cross-border moves yet, a squad of uniformed, heavily armed Shabab fighters stormed into a Kenyan school in a remote town, rounding up all the children and telling them to quit their classes and join the jihad.

“If these guys can come in with their guns and uniforms in broad daylight,” said one of the teachers at the school, “they must be among us.”

Then on Saturday it happened again: Somali gunmen, widely believed to be with the Shabab, stormed the offices of an aid organization and kidnapped three aid workers from a Kenyan border town before melting back into Somalia.

American and British advisers are working closely with Kenyan counterterrorism teams, but the area along the Somali border is known to be a gaping hole.

-Jeffrey Gettleman :: The New York Times :: July 21, 2009

-----------------------------------------------------------

I have seen war.
I have seen war on land and sea. I have seen blood running from the wounded. I have seen the dead in the mud. I have seen cities destroyed. I have seen children starving. I have seen the agony of mothers and wives.
I hate war.

-F.D.R.

just ignore the dreadful things they say.

2009-07-15T23:02:00.000-04:00

He's so scared that he'll miss
It keeps him in hiding
And restless and wanting
What if for one minute
He's given a chance
And he does something brilliant

heaven forbid.

2009-04-14T22:45:00.000-04:00

Take a breath, just take a seat.
You're falling apart, and tearing at the seams.

If you can't feed a 100 people, then feed just 1.

2009-03-29T12:11:00.001-04:00

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But
the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. -Mother Teresa

crickets singing lullabies.

2009-03-04T14:41:00.007-05:00

My grandparents have a lake cabin on Lake Greenwood. My great grandfather built it for my PaPa after he was in a boating accident, in which his friend drowned as he tried to save him. My papa had a fear of the water after that and my great grandfather thought that this would help him move past it. I can remember when we used to take showers in an outside bathroom & when we couldnt flush toilet paper. My dad and my aunt terri grew up spending their summers at the cabin, just as i later would, along with my siblings and my cousin kerri. it has changed a lot since my dad was young. it recently has undergone a "face lift" of sorts and had a new wing added on. it's still the same old cabin deep down at its core. the back porch is still in tact, as is the front. the den and kitchen remain the same, just with new flooring and cabinets. we can flush the toilets now without any worries and there are 2 showers now, both of which are located inside the house this time around.

this is a picture of my dad after he caught a fish. we didnt have a dock then, and now we have two. we were one of the first cabins in that cove, as you can see in the background.

i have a lot of memories from my time spent at the lake, some more vivid than others. i can remember when i learned to water ski as a 6 year old. i can remember bobbing like a fishing lure in the water, white skis with red stripes down the center, poking out like a tree below the murky surface during a drought. these were the skis that kerri and kristin had both learned on. papa had tied them together with yellow rope so that our legs would stay together. we still have them to this day. one day ella, emmy, jacob, & haley will learn to ski on that exact pair.

i can remember playing hide & go seek outside at night, cards on the porch, board games at the red diner table in the kitchen. i can specifically remember my sister cheating at cards & my MaMa being the most competitive person i have ever encountered to this day. the image of my MaMa making grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch is forever etched in my brain. white bread & lots of butter, best i have ever had. the best part was falling asleep to the sound of crickets singing. it's all you could hear for miles. that and the lapping of water against the dock.

going to the lake was never a vacation for Papa. it was actually the exact opposite. in most pictures, you'll find him in the background chopping down a tree, cutting the grass, or fixing something. other than that he spent his time driving the boat, pulling us on the tubes and skis. in his down time he just worried about us around the water, making sure we had life jackets on & that we were safe. one day a guy drove his jetski down into the cove and was cutting circles. i was in the water playing and the guy got a little too close to me for Papa's liking. next thing i know, papa is on the dock with a shotgun in his hand. needless to say that boy left the cove and never came back. what a rebel papa was. on top of all that, he looked just like James Dean.

this is a picture of ryan and i fishing at the lake off of our neighbors dock. i have apparently caught a brim, a prize one at that, and i am showing it off. the shirt i am wearing actually says myrtle beach on the right chest of it. mama bought it for me from waves or some other redneck souvenir shop. Papa and dad taught us how to fish. whenever we would run out of worms, we would use fried bologna, like dad did when he was little. everyone would always get papa to unhook their fish so they could throw it back, but i liked to unhook my own. that was the best part, in my opinion. i have a scar on my right thumb from a fish hook. it's my favorite of all of my scars, which might sound odd, but i like scars. i think of them as permanent stories that go with you everywhere.

“Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake.”
-D. Ackerman

bonnie & clyde.

2009-03-02T17:19:00.000-05:00

this is the day that i met grier caroline parrott.

i met her on top of the parking garage @ belmont university in nashville, tn.
i had moved there for the summer to live with my sister & neices while my brother in law was in TX on a 6 week business trip. on top of the parking garage, you could see the entire skyline of downtown nashville & it was beautiful. jacob, grant, beans, & grier came to nashville to visit emily jelley. we met on top of the parking garage, piled into the infamous road-trippin mercedes & headed to bread and company in green hills for lunch. this is also the day i introduced grier & beans to fruit tea. amazing. grant & jake thought it was nasty. this was the summer that grier transfered from USC to Anderson. this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. i can still remember the first thing i said to her was "i love your sunglasses!" and she replied "i got them at this store called urban outfitters." and from then on, we have been inseparable. she is now one of my best friends in the entire world & i cannot imagine life without her. she keeps me blogging. she is the reason i learned to laugh agian :) we learned from each other and the messes we had made of ourselves. we were destined from the beginning. i love you virgil :)

You know what you done there? You told my story, you told my whole story right there, right there. One time, I told you I was gonna make you somebody. That's what you done for me. You made me somebody they're gonna remember. -bonnie & clyde

march memories.

2009-03-01T16:37:00.003-05:00

i was looking through old pictures the other day, ranging anywhere between ones taken during college to others taken of me as a 3 year old. i then pulled out a box where i had stored a large amount of pictures from middle school and high school, as well as my scrapbook. i decided that during the month of march, all of my blogs will feature a picture and the memory i have from its composition.

here is the first edition.

this would be the 3 original housemates of 515 @ the first party ever held @ 515: the infamous Red & Green Party. We used to watch Laguna Beach religiously and they had the black & white party. we decided for our christmas party, our theme would be the Red & Green Party. Yes, everyone wore red and/or green. This was just the beginning of 515's party track record. the rest will live in infamy. if only those walls could talk. this picture was taken of the 3 hostesses, dated december 2004. dont lie...you know we look good.

If all words are cameras,
Hold still.
Shutters slide to unveil
Fingerprints of angels
And a language made of film.
-sleeping at last

ivy leaves.

2009-02-27T16:18:00.011-05:00

photography was merely a happenstance for me. writing is what i had dreamed of since i was in the 3rd grade. laura numroff came to my elementary school to promote her new book, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. She read it to us and I bought a copy. I got to meet her and she signed my book. That was the day I decided to be a writer, more specifically, an author of books for children. in 4th grade i wrote a fictional story about digging to china. it was selected and published in my elementary school's literary magazine and put up for a national award, which i did not win.

I never thought that I would one day write anything other than stories filled with adventures to the beach, lost kites, a trip to the zoo, or a new puppy. photography came into the picture in middle school & the focus shifted. i continued to write in my leisure time, using it as an outlet. eventually, photography became a chore because it became a job. writing will always be my first love.

i wrote this poem in the fall of 2005 for my creative writing poetry class.
our final was two parts:
1.) a collection of our works from the entire semester, which would be one poem per week.
2.) we had to submit 4 pieces of our work to Ivy Leaves, which is a publication that the University puts out every year. a selected panel chooses between art & writing samples to be featured.

i had two poems selected & published in Ivy Leaves.
this particular poem was chosen by the faculty & read at convocation in the spring of 06, which is an interesting choice of a literary work to be read to a class of college graduates as they embark into the real world, considering it is a dark piece.

my accomplishments are far and few,
but this,
this is what i consider my finest hour.

Afternoon At The Lake

I sit on the dock in late August
breathing in thick, humid, sweet summer air
dipping my feet slowly in the lake
warm like my bath, dead water
my murky green reflection stares
back at me; and as my feet stand weighted
on the rotting wood, the sharpest splinter
pierces through my thick flesh
as words sometimes do, certain broken words
like failure and commitment,
shattered, mangled oak,
which cuts deep, hits the bone, and stings
in the fresh, bittersweet, heart-break
of the lake in late August.

your ignorance is treason.

2009-02-26T15:01:00.003-05:00

I believe like a liar would believe
Helps me navigate the wooden smiles, the raging seas
And all my heros pull their heads
Like a fighter would, I guess
No one ever really likes getting older
I traded my dreams for this mess of memories.

pull the wool over your eyes.

2009-02-24T21:38:00.003-05:00

The deep crooning of Johnny Cash filled the thick, humid air, hanging like the dipping branches of the oak trees around her. With all of the windows down and barefeet on the floorboard, she began to fidget as she grew closer to the outskirts of town. Coming back here was like drinking poison. She knew good and well that the only way she would make it out alive was if it stayed in her veins alone, never traveling all the way to her heart. If she could just keep it far away from the beating muscle guarded so securely (or so you would like think) by her rib cage, that was her only shot at survival. It's about as rare as finding a needle in a hay stack, but she enjoyed the challenge that presented itself. She always loved a good challenge, but only one she could win. Sure, she was difficult at times, but with that came determination.

In the side mirror to her right, she could see the freckles that peppered her nose and forehead, a result of countless summer days spent by the pool and at the beach. She liked having them there, feeling as if they made her more unique. She'd always strived for that. Her pair of saphire eyes scanned back & forth, the scenery now a blur of the past. She knew that if she allowed herself to grasp it for too long, the memory would just consume her, swallowing her up like a ship at sea. She did not spend the past two years building up that wall just to watch it be torn down. "you have to keep afloat" she whispered to herself in repetition. An old trick of the trade that she learned from her doctor. Sinking led to drowning and that meant failure, something she refused to settle for. She was not like other cases. She was the exception to the rule, or so she told herself. Pulling into town, familiarity wrapped itself around her like a warm blanket. She had visited each parking lot on this block atleast once. Never a planned meeting of sorts, but a spontaneous reaction that had led her there, as if the car had a mind of its own. Her breathing steadied in a timely fashion, like the rocking of a dock being swayed by the wake.

"BEEEEEP!!! Beep beep!!!" A horn blared over her shoulder, ripping her from the daydream frantically, like a fish out of water. Glancing in the rearview mirror, a rusty, old, red pickup was about two inches from ramming her shiny, silver bumper. The man was still wearing yesterdays five o'clock shadow & no shirt, his bare sunburnt chest exposed. A knot of chewing tabacco bulged from his left cheek and his grease stained middle finger was waving in the air like a flag on the fourth of july. Trying to piece together the ruckus that was ensuing, Rumer realized that the light had turned green. She thrust her foot down onto the gas pedal and the car jolted to life once more. She placed her gold aviators back onto her sunkissed face. As the orange and pink color of dusk met her gaze, she gently brushed the whispy blonde hairs out of the way, the fence lined farms that passed beside her became nothing more than smeared images. It was happening now. She was moving on.

sitting in a tree.

2009-02-16T21:38:00.001-05:00

"hope" is the thing with feathers --
that perches in the soul--
and sings the tune without words --
and never stops--
at all--
-emily dickinson

sudden death in carolina.

2009-02-15T22:01:00.000-05:00

i've been piecing it together.

& it's got something to do with every look thrown like a knife across a crowded room.

until i saw the sea.

2009-02-14T15:55:00.000-05:00

You knew my tears.
Your promise remains unbroken.
You know my fears.
You were there to set me free.

The stars in the sky seem to notice your serenity.
As February holds the glow in my eyes.

I trust in you.
I place these days into your hands.
I am your child.

fingertips & innocence.

2009-02-11T12:37:00.003-05:00

i had my
arms thread through
the pretty holes
of your most romantic
line.

dearest zelda.

2009-02-02T11:15:00.003-05:00

sketch :: by andy warhol

"I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her & it is the beginning of everything." -F. Scott Fitzgerald

song for milly michaelson.

2009-01-16T12:43:00.002-05:00

photo by :: my favorite French photographer

Here we go, hold on tight and don't let go
I won't ever let you fall
I love the night, flying o'er these city lights
But I love you most of all.
-thrice

#76

2009-01-13T15:33:00.003-05:00

this was printed on the side of my starbucks cup this morning.
here's a lil drink for thought.

the irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. the act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up & parade around as rational hesitation. to commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life. -anne morriss

set the tempo.

2009-01-12T12:20:00.011-05:00

made me a shadow in the shape of wonder. -mgmt

calendar girl.

2009-01-11T12:43:00.002-05:00

this empty bedroom won't make anything right. -stars

you have my attention.

2009-01-10T11:00:00.004-05:00

right now i cannot get enough of narciso rodriguez's designs.
everything he touches is gold.
here are a few of my favorites from his collection.
the black & white shot is of new-comer, Carmen Kass.
she is the face of his perfume line.
well played, sir.

"It is lovely to be with someone who is good at what they do."
-narciso rodriguez

hammers & strings.

2009-01-09T17:03:00.000-05:00

blindsided.

2009-01-05T21:32:00.003-05:00

Would you really rush out for me now? -bon iver

from the road.

2008-12-29T14:50:00.000-05:00

Flames and smoke
Climbed out of every window
And disappeared With everything that you held dear
But you shed not a single tear
For the things that you didn't need Because you knew you were finally free.

brand new day.

2008-12-26T13:26:00.005-05:00

Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last.
And most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past.

This cycle never ends. / Gotta fall in order to mend.

It's a brand new day.
For the first time in a long time.
I know I'll be okay.

postsecret.

2008-12-25T14:31:00.002-05:00

grier caroline parrott.
this post is for you.
& all of the secrets that the booth
@ monterreys holds.
2nd one on the left.

the jamie bag.

2008-10-30T15:45:00.001-04:00

never thought i would see the day that jcrew would put out something with my namesake on it :) oh if only i had $495 to spare....

http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrowse/Women_Feature_Assortment/NewArrivals/bags/PRDOVR~98871/99101577112/98871.jsp

“It is the unseen, unforgettable, ultimate accessory of fashion that heralds your arrival and prolongs your departure.” - CoCo Chanel, on handbags

simply real.

2008-10-26T15:53:00.005-04:00

Every month i buy 3 magazines: Vogue, InStyle, Real Simple. Occasionally I might pick up an extra here or there, but those 3 are my staples. I know them cover to cover. I was eating tomato soup today while reading Real Simple & this blog came to mind. I was at dinner the other night & talking about how smart & practical Real Simple is, when the girl I was talking to said "that makes me want to leave here and go buy it!". so i thought that i would do a blog on why Real Simple magazine is one of the little things in life that makes me happy.

the 5 reasons i am addicted to Real Simple magazine.

1. It is stocked full of simple & easy recipes (trust me. if i can do it, you can do it)
-this thanksgiving i am going to make pumpkin cheesecake. my favorite part is that not only do they give you the recipe & step by step instructions, they also give you the shopping list & the order to cook your thanksgiving dinner in. (i.e. dessert first, bc it can sit in the refrigerator while you are preparing the stuffing)

2. new uses for old things. best section in the magazine. i pretty much adopt atleast one of these ideas a month.
-original purpose: magnetic paper-clip dispenser
new use: bobby pin holder for the bathroom counter.

3. perfectly tailored for Type A's & Type B's.
- type A's love it bc it's the only thing better at organizing than they are.
- type B's love it bc they never wouldve thought to organize like this on their own.

4. quotes at the beginning of each section. LOVE it. i practically bookmark or write all of them down. (this was actually the inspiration for me putting a quote at the end of every blog entry & what also initially drew me to the magazine.)
- the section on gardening dons the quote: "in the depth of winter, i finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer" - albert camus
- section on putting down new hardwood floors: "if God wanted us to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor" -joan rivers
- section on the presidential election coming up this month: "he knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. that points clearly to a political career" - george bernard shaw

5. it makes me want to be more domestic.
- any magazine that packs organizing, party planning, gardening, home decorating, cooking, fashion, and psychology into one publication every month.... practical practical practical.

“In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.” -henry wadsworth longfellow

fall to the breeze of the autumn leaves.

2008-10-08T10:48:00.004-04:00

things i am obsessing over right now...

- colorful eyeliner.
- fall. pumpkins. leaves. fall. fall. fall.
- pumpkin spice lattes!
- mustard yellow.
- ann taylor lofts fall line
- my vintage riding boots
- taking emmy to furman & pulling her in the wagon to see the ducks at the lake
- GOSSIP GIRL.
- paul newman.
- OPI's new France nail polish line (i've already bought 2 colors)
- driving mocs
- mad men & the wardrobe of the characters.
- new england and how beautiful it must be in fall.
- purple. eyeshadow. cardigans. cords. purple. everything.
- doing the crossword puzzles in People magazine every week
- how cute ella looks with her huge backpack on when i pick her up from school.
- how adorable my boyfriend is when he asks me if his shirt matches his pants.
- football season :) i am giddy every saturday morning watching college gameday.
- jess' consistent typos on her twitter.
- grier caroline parrott. (this blog is for you & kat)
- jewel tone tights
- how God is teaching me to trust.
- the office is back!!!!! and jim & pam are engaged!
- coffee table photography books. (most recent purchase: Vanity Fair Portraits)
- eating healthy. okay okay... eating healthier.
- making the perfect batch of brownies.
- scarves. (just got an amazing cotton & silk one from Gap)
- the hills. (who isnt?!)
- pretending to be gossip girl with jess.... dont ask.
- twittering.

this quote was on my starbucks cup this morning:

"i used to think that going to the jungle made my life an adventure. however, after years of unusual work in exotic places, I realize that it is not how far off I go or how deep into the forest I walk that gives my life meaning. I see that living life fully is what makes life - anyone's life, no matter where they do or do not go - an adventure."
-- maria fadiman, geographer, ethnobotanist & national geographic emerging explorer

the last time he saw dorie.

2008-08-24T12:51:00.001-04:00

"she was a wreck, but so was he" -copeland

planes, trains & automobiles.

2008-06-19T15:02:00.003-04:00

Big Ben at dusk. Lucerne.
the Eiffel Tower lit up at night.
Rome. the Vatican. The snowcapped Alps.
a town square in switzerland filled with 100,000 people watching a futbol match that could result in a riot in the street.

these are just a few of the things that my boyfriend, John, has experienced in the past couple weeks. He and a friend are backpacking through Europe for an entire month. after hearing bits and pieces of his trip through emails and a few phone conversations, i would definitely recommend doing this if you ever have the chance.

they have been staying in hostiles and hotels and taking overnight trains from city to city. yes they have showered less than usual, shared a room with drunk polish guys who came in early morning from a night on the town, worn dirty clothes & eaten one meal a day in some instances. i think both of them would tell you it was well worth it though.

ive been getting postcards from different cities he has been to and losing myself in emails that describe seeing the sistine chapel, train rides through the countryside and eating enough gelato to make one sick.

although i enjoy hearing of his adventures across the pond, i am more than ready for him to return to the states on july 2 :)

9 days to go.

We'll always have Paris. -Casablanca

june bug.

2008-06-08T23:19:00.003-04:00

10 reasons why JUNE is awesome.

1. Debbie's birthday.
2. my birthday :: aka the most important day of the year.
3. college world series : road to omaha
4. the pool opens.
5. the french open &
6. WIMBLEDON!!
7. i get a new phone. thank you verizon.
8. father's day. go jim.
9. it doesnt get dark until 9 pm.
10. it's just another excuse for me not to wear shoes.

it's a smile.
it's a kiss.
it's a sip of wine.
sweet summertime.
- kenny chesney

home.

2008-05-02T22:13:00.007-04:00

tomorrow.... i graduate from college.

Your voices swirl and welcome me,
Hem me in, this anthem sweet.
That we are all familiar now,
We're in each other's blood somehow.

I will never be a stranger,
I will never be alone.
Cause wherever you are is home.

So raise a glass and gather round,
Toast the night and friendships found.
And I'll lay to rest my troubled face,
And breathe deep this amazing grace.

.I will never be a stranger,
I will never be alone.
Cause wherever you are is home.

Sometime soon this road may part,
Mine may end where yours starts.
But should you ever need me,
You know right where I will be.

You will never be a stranger,
You will never be alone.
Cause wherever we are is home.

-dave barnes

sir, please move up.

2008-04-09T00:05:00.004-04:00

4/8/08

weekly tuesday night dinner with virg. we have gotten in the habit of bringing a special guest each time. silas came along tonight. he got to experience his first ride in the volvo (which always leaves people laughing until they cry), hear debbie on speaker phone, and sit in the booth that holds all of mine & virg's secrets. oh if those walls could talk.

p.s. virg started reminiscing earlier tonight about the time i took the picture that graces my blog to the left. it was actually a test shot. my favorite part is that she remembered it was taken last summer at 515 & i was laying on my futon, on the pompuzan cushion :)

i really like this quote... even if it is from superbad.

it was like the first time i heard the beatles.

four birds, one stone.

2008-04-07T14:13:00.020-04:00

4/4/08

picking out something for john to wear to the wedding we had the next day. i re-learned how to tie a tie. this picture is special to me for two reasons... he never lets me take pictures of him. so this is a rare occurrence. i will even go as far as to say a gem. also, i am wearing his most prized possession, the ohio state hoodie.

4/5/08

the bride-to-be opening gifts at Mary's @ Fall's Cottage in downtown greenville. saturday morning the girls attended a brunch there in honor of Allie, the future Mrs. Jon Scott. wilksy & kate came up from cola town for it. the anderson girls migrated north on 85 in the rain. so much fun to get dressed up and have brunch with amazing friends. best muffins ever. favorite part: when we asked jonny if he was excited and he noted the exact number of days and hours until his bride would walk down the aisle, her father on her arm, her eyes on him.

4/6/08

riding in the car with ella & emmy lou. treasuring these moments that i only have a few left of before i move to charleston. nothing more beautiful than the sound of ella's voice singing behind me while we drive through greenville with the windows down.

4/7/08

this is a what a normal day in graphic design senior seminar looks like.
this is what 2 weeks until senior gala looks like.
this is 2/3 of The Trio.
this is the only reason i survived graphic design.
this is trifflin.

forever, always, look at me. - matt wertz

it's all relevant.

2008-04-03T16:03:00.011-04:00

i have a daily routine when it comes to reading. i check the usual blogs that i keep up with. i really enjoy reading other people's stories. hearing where they are. seeing where they've been. progression. change. evolution of thoughts and feelings. i check gmail. facebook. flickr. espn. weather. BB&T. drudge report. new york times. relevant magazine.

today when i was on the relevant website, I came across an article from this month's issue. 5,211 miles of transition by justin boyer. it could not have been a more fitting thing to read. all week i have been dealing with trials. change. deep emotions surfacing. a bittersweet anticipation for the arrival of may 3. tears have been the trend here all week. time has taken its toll on us all. we are tired. worn and weathered. time has put miles and memories on us. built relationships. ties that not even it can break. years spent together as a family. in a home away from home. these are the things that make this difficult. the end of a new chapter. the beginning of a new one. to think that this time a year ago i was writing a letter to one of my best friends, miss lindsey grayce, for her graduation surprise from her momma. time destroys, yet saves us still.

relevant article: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life_article.php?id=7566

p.s. it took me forever to type this because emmy lou ( my 2 1/2 year old niece) was counting my fingers as i went :)

"me and you and the world" -dave barnes

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

on an ending note... i have decided to take a cue from a brilliant photographer, mr. blakenship himself, and document everyday of this month. it being my last in college. my last living in anderson. my last with my family in my home away from home. since it is now day 3, here are the pictures from the first 3 days. each has a significance to me. an image to represent my last days at the place i love.

4/1/08

Grier & Chris on the way to the weekly tuesday night dinner @ monterreys. it is the first of our last four. chris spilled his drink on grier's phone & the waiter spilled a drink on my purse.

4/2/08

lauren's mom (michelle aka chelle) and her addressing graduation announcements. t-minus 1 month & counting until we will walk across the front lawn.

4/3/08

today i came home for a dentist appointment. my sister called me because ella wanted to talk to me. "how much longer aunt jamie?" i then spent the afternoon watching Dora and reading books with my nieces. it is in moments like that, i am truly happy.

girl america.

2008-03-27T10:18:00.003-04:00

i have listened to this song of mat's for years now, since the first time he laid it down as a track when writing West in November in the nashy....it's been tweaked & changed instrumentally a few times now, but the lyrics have been solid from square one. i can honestly say that i think it is one of the most beautifully written songs i've ever heard.

My girl America is just a youth in this world
Her smile is more precious than the sparkle of pearls
And though her age reads she's just a young girl
The age behind her eyes show the pain that she's swirled
Through the hand that's been dealt though it's quiet as kept
The weight that she felt last night when she slept
And as she crept into the dreams of the things of her past
Seems to have grown so fast, way beyond her own class
Though they're right there with her, her brothers and her sisters
A natural born leader even when her peers dis her
My girl, she's at a crossroads, people praying for her
Some are preying on her magazine ads, sex, drama
Smoking marijuana, longing for a father to call her, 'daughter'
She's part of a generation longing for reconciliation
And this future that they're facing and this poison that they're tasting
My girl, I know this love you're chasing

My girl America's crying when she's lying on her bed at night
I can see that she's screaming when she's dreaming for her freedom
My girl America's dying while she's trying just to stop this fight
Don't stop believing, my girl America

Boys with hungry eyes have been beating her door
Telling her that's what she's for, trying to rob at her core
Then leave calling her a whore, but still she knows there's more
I know she knows there's more because there is a voice she can't ignore
'Cause it was founded in the foundations, from the day of her creation
In God we trust engraved on the treasures of her nation
And the void that the boys can't fill
With the tipping of the bottle or the popping of the pill
But still most of her friends don't care as they glare
Ready to drown down the funnel as they frown down the tunnel
They stumble and they tumble breaking down into rubble
My girl America, stop can't you see
It's not the circumstances that determine who you're gonna be
But how you deal with these problems and pains that come your way
It's for you that I pray with hope for a brighter day
And so I say, your deliverance is coming

Faith like a child from your first birth
You left it in the dirt on your worst hurt
And I see each tear and every scar
The hands that have held you where you are
And I can see we've strayed so far
A king born under that morning star
As a crown of thorns was placed to earase
Each tear that's touched your face
And his palms and sides were pierced with spears
He hung in love just to draw you near
My girl, out of this whole world
Can't you see this is where we started?

-mat kearney

i am.

2008-03-16T16:55:00.003-04:00

I am ridiculously blessed :: constantly reminded of that every day.
I am at the beach with some of my best friends :: 15 of us in 1 condo.
I am very thankful for john howard dawson :)

everything under the stars is in Your arms.
-mat kearney

blackbird, fly.

2008-03-12T15:52:00.005-04:00

i had my interview in charleston yesterday. on folly beach. with one of my favorite local photographers. long story short... I GOT THE JOB! :) i will be moving in mid-may to my favorite city. a beautiful ending to a broken beginning.

if anyone still reads this (besides the lovely jordan dunn) hear me on this.... college holds the best years of your life, even in the worst of times. if you're lucky, those years will be 5 fold.

that is my thought for the day.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
-the beatles

joan of ark.

2008-03-06T13:01:00.004-05:00

In a previous blog i mentioned that I was reading SexGod by Rob Bell. that it was screwing with my head. it became emotionally exhausting. draining me. i went from reading it every chance i got.... to abandoning it altogether. not because i was bitter or disappointed. i just had to set it aside. think through things. process what he was saying. gain perspective before coming back. becoming swallowed whole by this beautifully written piece of work. i picked it back up today. full of anticipation. like an eager child listening to a story. hanging onto every word. tasting almost as sweet as honey (or cotton candy). i see this book as one of restoration. it brings back truths that i buried deep the older i got. the more boys i liked. through relationships & experiences. one solitary heartbreak. far from clean. more messy than imagined. tangled and twisted. i appreciate being broken now. learning only God can mend me. love me flawlessly. unconditionally. constantly. to read this book and be reminded that i am not just a girl who deserves a good guy. but a daughter of a king. i should be treated as royalty. and i should treat people the way my Father raised me to. intended for me to. it is trial & error. and that sucks. ill be the first to say it. trial & error is never easy. it is ridiculously violent. you come out with battle scars. wounds. broken bones. mangled hearts. it's a war. we just have to realize we are fighting the wrong one. that is another blog for another day though. in the end, i have learned something very important: never ever settle.

never settle.
never ever.
there is a reward.
a beautiful ending to your story.
when the fight is over.
and all blood has been shed.
there is a reward.
stop fighting.
never settle.
it's coming.

ill let you know when ive found it.

God, let her listen
With ears to the ground.
Let voiceless approval
Turn into sound.
-sleeping at last

go & do.

2008-03-01T14:43:00.001-05:00

I remember a story about a young man walking up to God and saying, "God, there is much pain in the world. Are you going to end poverty, malnutrition, oppression, violence and indifference?" God whispers in return, "Of course. I created you."
-a.c. boyd

a land not sown.

2008-02-27T16:36:00.003-05:00

recently, I realized how self-absorbed I have been. Yes, I am busy with an internship, senior seminar, work, weddings, baby showers, etc. I am never too busy though. Just selfish. i am lacking in perfection. and i always will be. i did used to pray about decisions before i would make them. i know that my judgement alone is not enough. it doesnt stop me from thinking i am invincible & always right. i am constantly reminded that neither of the two are true. it's nice to be humbled every once in a while. it's necessary even. i learned this while reading in Jeremiah the other day. the nation of israel forsakes God. rebels & defiles the One who gave the people the land. fruit. harvest. life. when they forsake God, He curses their nation. their children & their children's children. so on & so forth. Our God is one of grace. mercy. love. but we forget about His wrath. it is then that we begin to forsake Him, turning away from what is holy & right. living for ourselves. i am too often the nation of israel. lacking in child-like faith and discipline.

i remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me & followed me through the desert, through a land not sown. -jer. 2:2

look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

2008-01-30T21:14:00.000-05:00

1. rob bell... the day you wrote SexGod is the day you screwed with my head.
2. thank you for it.
3. being brave isnt all it is cracked up to be.
4. listen to Crash by DMB. it seems diff to me now that im not in 8th grade.
5. even in design, be true to who you are.

stars already have a great significance to me.
www.twloha.com
then i heard this david crowder song today.
and wept like a small child.
what in the world is this week becoming?!

you should see the stars tonight
how they shimmer shine so bright
against the black they look so white
comin down from such a height
to reach me now, you reach me now

you should see the moon in the flight
cuttin cross the misty night
softly dancin in sunshine
reflections of this light
reach me now, you reach me now

and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful again

and you should feel the sun in the spring
comin out after a rain
suddenly all is green
sunshine on everything
i can feel it now, i feel you now

and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful

and you should hear the angels sing
all gathered round their king
more beautiful than you could dream
ive been quietly listening
you can hear em now, i hear em now

and how could such a king
shine His light on me
and make everything beautiful
and i wanna shine
i wanna be light
i wanna tell you itll be alright
and i wanna shine and i wanna fly
just to tell you now
itll be alright, itll be alright
itll be alright.

cause i got nothing of my own to give to you
but this light that shines on me shines on you
and makes everything beautiful, again.
itll be alright, itll be alright.

-crowder

alice in wonderland

2008-01-23T16:08:00.000-05:00

people always say, "opportunites come far and few". however, just because opportunites come about, doesn't mean they are for us. i believe that we should pursue every opportunity in front of us. some will end up being life changing, while others will get passed up, never given a second thought. what matters is that you take the chance. follow it until you cant go any further. i was asked to go with a team to Uganada to work at an orphanage. all i have wanted to do for the past 5 years is go to Africa. i committed to go in July 08. the orphanage now is requesting that only a small group of 6 come. that number would not include me because there were about 6 students who got the team together. they would have priority to go. even if i dont end up getting to go, atleast i fought for it. prayed for it. supported it. committed. decided to change the world. developed a love for children i had only seen pictures of, but never even met. I have been blessed with the opportunity to go to guatemala, not once, but twice. i have committed to go again in december for my third trip. sometimes you've just got to pee in the wind. (grier. stop laughing at me.) i was given the chance to work at an orphanage this coming summer. i could pick to go to guatemala, honduras, or russia. i had decided to go to russia and contacted the lady and everything. i then found out i had to pay $3,000 to do it and abandon moving to Charleston to work with an amazing photographer that I have an interview with in a few weeks. i am glad i looked into it and developed a passion for it, but there comes this point where you know if it is right for you or not. i have a peace about not going. it opened my eyes to the different opportunities that are avaliable to me, waiting to be taken. for me to close my eyes, hold my breath and jump. i am really glad that i completely abandoned my comfort zone and contacted this brilliant photographer in charleston. i figured i would never hear back from her, but what is the harm in trying. to think that if i had not contacted her at all. i really would've missed the boat.

last week i was at barnes & noble and ran into a guy who i went to college with. he now teaches digital photography at a local high school in powdersville. we got to talking about graphic design and he asked me to come and speak to his photography class and show them my work. i was extrememly flattered and excited. who wouldve ever thought i would get to go talk to a group of high schoolers about my photography....

take chances.
seize the day.
live for what you love.
money doesn't buy happiness. (ask me about the summer i spent in nashville).

"be who you are," said the Duchess to Alice, "or, if you would like it put more simply, never try to be what you might have been or could have been other than what you should have been."
-Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

blame it on this southern weather.

2008-01-16T15:38:00.000-05:00

anything can happen on a snow day. as a kid it was my favorite thing ever year. i would sit in front of the tv watching the weather channel for hours. eyes glued to the screen, noting Jim Cantori's every move, hanging onto every word, like icicles clinging to tree limbs. i was (and still am) the most optimistic snow day person there ever was. my mom and my best friend katie reign as the two most pessimistic. the weather man could've told me that it was going to rain cows and i would've believed him. i wanted to be a weather girl growing up, but then i realized that i hated science. i had a drill, a routine to prepare for a blizzard (since we get those allll the time here right?). i would set out my ski bibs, boots, socks, scarf, hat, jacket, gloves (the waterproof hardcore kind, for the purpose of snowball fight of course). my entire plan was deviated with the intentions of waking up at the butt crack of dawn, doning my snow gear, and looking out the window to see a white blanket draped over my neighborhood. the worst mornings consisted of nothing but rain puddles in my backyard and clear streets. nothing is better than school cancellations. i can remember sitting in front of the tv watching the closings scroll accross the bottom of the screen. i developed a bitterness towards heyward & madison counties in western north carolina, barely over the state line. they always got out of school and got more snow. i used to say they stole greenville's snow because they would get it all and we would be left with front yards of nothing bu dead grass to wake up to.

snow days are still a big deal to me. even though i dont play outside all day, only stopping to eat lunch and dinner, it's still a somewhat magical day. everything and everyone stops. it reminds me of being in a snowglobe. secluded from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. people dont go to work, businesses and schools close down, we are confined to our houses and surrounding streets. we get to flee from the real world for one day. it's as if it goes to sleep or keeps its distance from us. even if just for a day. we can sleep and watch movies and go outside in the snow. it's quite outside and all that can be heard is the laughter belonging to children on sleds. this will be my last snow day in college. its a tradition that we play outside and take pictures. the boys pelt us with snowballs that leave bruises that will be present for days. our noses resemble rudpolphs and our hands turn a purplish-blue.

the evening before a possible snow day is almost like Christmas for the South. we scurry to the store, stocking up on bread and milk (also known as pizza bites & coke). the result will most likely be a "dusting" as the weather man likes to call it. i hate that word. it's painful, almost evil in a sense. it robs children of joy and hope. stupid dustings. we will be lucky to gain an inch. im pretty sure our school wouldnt close if it was on fire.

there are no guarantees. no promises. just uncertainties and possibilities. we just hope and believe that maybe just once they weather man will get it right. sometimes i think we want to believe something so bad, we'll believe a lie, if it makes us happy, even for just a minute. im glad that God is not like the weatherman, robbing children of joy and giving false-hope, that often leads to a let-down. I never have to wonder if He will pull through or if He is right. He is a guarantee. 100%. wouldnt that suck to wake up every morning & wonder if what God told us was the truth or a lie? if we could trust Him and depend on His words? God is not the weatherman, and for that i am thankful.

this is my last snow day in college. i would like one, just one more. a day spent on the front lawn taking pictures and having snowball fights. piling into someone's den and watching movies while wrapped up in blankets upon blankets. pajamas and slippers. coffee and junk food. sometimes it's fun to be 6 years old again & hopeing for a snow day. if we got snow all of the time, like the people up North, we wouldnt appreciate it like we do. those people take it for granted and dont know how lucky they are.

for tonight though, all that hangs in the air is anticipation.

Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder, Where its all white as snow. Running through the field where all my tracks will be concealed.
-red hot chillipeppers

2008-01-15T23:32:00.000-05:00

i stumbled across pictures on flickr when i searched "Africa". the pictures were of women and children. more specifically, the pictures were of prostitutes and their children. some of the pictures were of orphans who have survived the civil war in Rwanda. these pictures do two things to me: at first look they break my heart into a million pieces. when i look further i see hope and a desire for a better life... a desire to be loved, to fall asleep to anything but the sound of machine guns, to know what peace is and hold onto it for dear life. i have a passion for the people of Africa and it continues to grow everyday. i will go to Africa. I will hug the children of Rwanda. clothe the people of Sierra Lione. look into the eyes of the hurting in Uganda. i will tell them Jesus loves them and so do i. i will wash bare feet and give them shoes.

When Mother Theresa was asked about what it was like to live in poverty and love the lepers of calcutta, she answered with three simple words: "come and see". i believe that we were made to go and see. when Christ said to go out into the world to serve and love people, He meant it. we read and do not act. we talk with great passion, but we sit idle. i want to be different. i want to be revolutionary.

this was written on the walls of an orphanage in Uganda...

"but you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's own people that you may declare the wonderful deeds of Him who called you out of dark."

these are the faces of the hurting. these are the faces of the prostitutes and orphans. these are the faces of Christ.

when i look at these pictures, i no longer see pain and agony. my heart no longer breaks. it continues to beat with a passion to love these people. when i look at these pictures i see beautiful faces, their eyes searching for hope and rescue.

these are the faces of Africa.

she is beautiful.

if you look closely, you can see JESUS written on the wall.

2700 people die every day in Africa from malaria. that's 2 deaths per minute.

He washed us white as snow.

she smiles, even without great reason.

eyes that have seen darkness.

clinging to the only thing they have left: each other.

knees to the earth.

give me eyes to see.

2008-01-06T12:28:00.000-05:00

don't you love the days before classes start. the ones with no work, responsibility, obligation. the nights that arent filled with no sleep & stress that brings you to scream or cry or maybe even both. when everyone comes back & we get to hang out & live here, but not have to actually have lives. i love that. i wish college was that. doesnt everyone though? when life seems simple and we dont have to be grown up for just a few days. my first couple days back here have consisted of sleeping more than i can remember sleeping in a year. doing laundry. unpacking. grocery shopping. i like these things. actually, i love these things. i am pretty sure that makes me far from normal, but then again ive never claimed to be normal.

i work with 2 pregnant women & maybe i am having sympathy cravings or something, but i crave the most random things at random times. last night we had a family dinner. an anderson family dinner. the people i love most and would consider my family away from home. we all go to 515 and cook dinner and sit around the dining room table and eat. jess ate salmon. the boys at steak. there was a macaroni and potatoes and salad. i ate bologna. i havent eaten it in years. but i was craving it. bologna and root beer (in a glass bottle of course. go IBC or go home). the day before it was gingerbread cookies. today it is vanilla coke. i woke up this morning & put on greys anatomy on dvd and curled up in my oh so comfy reading chair (you know, like the chairs at barnes & noble. the super comfy ones that you literally sit and wait for an hour for someone to give theirs up and it never happens. you end up just becoming a tiger stalking its prey like parking spots at the mall during christmas or tables in crowded restaurants on a friday night out.) its the best chair ever. barnes & noble is probably jealous of my chair actually.

last night i swept and mopped the kitchen floor before i went to bed. before dinner i dusted my room. this morning i finished my laundry. and i always wash the dishes before i put them in the dishwasher. i have learned that i like my quirks. im just happy to be here :)

fresh starts are always good. the new year. the beginning. another chance to screw it all up again or do it differently. it doesnt erase the past, but it sure does put it further behind you. distance. it isnt always a bad thing. cleaning out even. emptying drawers and sorting through papers and pictures compiled from the past year. sometimes it's even a wake up call. you realize why you did the things you did, felt the ways you felt, said the things you said. sometimes you repress things & you cant even remember how all of this got started. it snowballed and the start of it all is nonexistent to memory. then you remember that something bad happened. and it caused you to question. you realized what you had come to love wasnt real. and it took that awful moment to wake you up. without that moment. those few horrible days. would you really have ever seen it? ever woken up? realized it wasnt real? that this wasnt it after all. i like to think, to believe, that it was orchestrated perfectly to save you. to wake us up. no one likes to be woken up. no one hates it more than me. you're sleeping and everything is peaceful and then something startles you and ruins your perfect dreams. sometimes it actually opens your eyes and saves your life though. im okay with that. i like my slippers because of it. dusk if my favorite time of day because of it. it is the reason i laugh more than ever. i get out of bed every morning because of it. i dont think i wouldve realized any of this without moving here, to the 309.

i think my favorite thing about God is when i can't fathom Him. when He is so perfect. so endless. so much smarter & bigger than anything i have ever seen or imagined. i think if i ever got to the point where i could, it wouldnt turn my world upside down anymore. it wouldnt leave me sitting in amazement at his love, grace, and beauty.

this morning, Wilksy sent me a picture of what she woke up to this morning. snow. everywhere. you couldnt even see Pikes Peak from her window anymore. she has been in Colorado since the new years eve visiting nick in colorado springs. i miss her. i get to see her in a few days, and that makes me so so so happy. she got to see snow. tons of it. and that also makes me happy. im glad someone is getting to see some :) i'd like to go to colorado. i would like that a lot. and jackson hole, wyoming of course. then seattle and oregon. id like that. maybe one day. for now i will stay in anderson for one last semester and i will love and savor every moment of it.

its good to be back :)

I'm addicted, I'm needy,
I'm lost without you
I need you, I need you

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see

i just wanna see.

-the almost

85 years old.

2008-01-03T23:58:00.000-05:00

i am turning into a grandma. ready to go to bed at 11. cant survive a day without coffee in one hand & the New York Times in the other. watch Greys Anatomy on dvd before bed every night. looking for a job. applying for intenships. deciding what to do with my life 4 months from now when i graduate. balancing my checkbook for the first time since the day i moved to college. paying the cable bill. walking the dog. cleaning up Emmy's throw up. putting together a portfolio. typing up my resume. growing up. moving to charleston? moving nonetheless. i dont have anything to say except actions have consequences.

Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying. -grey's anatomy

every raindrop creates an ocean.

2007-12-05T14:30:00.000-05:00

tomorrow night is the resolution to a year's worth of anticipation. today i will pack my bags. tomorrow i will say my goodbyes. i will go to the semi-annual book money dinner at outback with my best friends. stress free. full of laughter. bloomin onions and toast made my kurty kurt. at 10 pm, the guatie family will meet at sullivan to pack suitcases full of clothes, shoes, toys, and supplies to take down to the people of guatemala. i am so excited and ready to be back there. to hold the beautiful children. look deeply into brown almond eyes. clothe the homeless. feed the hungry. touch the lepers. love people like Jesus did. we have waited for this trip to get here. prayed for it. talked about it. prepared for it. and the time has finally come.

today i told my four year old neice, ella, that i was going to guatemala tomorrow to take boys and girls clothes and toys and tell them about Jesus. she told me that i guatemala was closed and i should just stay here with her. this time last week i was short over $400. as of today i have exactly $400. amazing. i had faith and trusted that God would provide. i knew He would. the money would come about. and i would take the red eye on friday morning with my other 18 team members, who i will call family by the end of our time spent in the 3rd world country i fell in love with a year ago.

when i think about this time last year, i cant help but remember what i was going through at the time. i was scared, searching for escape, a reason to keep going, a belief even. i was weak. dependent. lacking faith. that trip changed my life. turned my world upside down. the beginning of losing my life and regaining it. becoming whole and new. the beginning of surrender and restoration. detox. a light at the end of the tunnel. through that trip i learned what was important in ife and what was petty. how to appreciate my friends. to look through the eyes of the hurting and poverty stricken. to trully love and serve with a selfless heart and genuine spirit. to be passionate. intentional.

we are commanded to love. called to go. we cannot love people like Jesus did without knowing how He did. i have been reading through the 4 gospels lately. to see the ways that Jesus loved people. served people. i do want to love and serve just like He did. to completely become consumed in the stories that tell of his selfless heart and unconditional love. to be shaped to be more like Him. it is important that we know the things He did. the occurences that taught people to trust and have faith. to lose their life. be washed clean. renewed. we are COMMANDED to be IMITATORS of CHRIST. how can we be imitators of Christ if we do not know how He lived, loved served? if we want to be like david beckham, we study him. watch his matches. read about him. watch videos. train like him. act like him. all to become more like him.

i am so excited about this year's guatie team because there are so many new people who have never been to a third world country. their eyes have not seen. they will be changed after it. they will never forget their experiences and the people they will love and the darkness that their eyes of light will see. it is such a life altering experience. this summer i started praying for this trip and the team that we would be putting together. i can remember having this strong pull on my heart about two of my best friends. i prayed for both of them, told them about the trip and asked them to pray about going. i felt that they should be there. Grier and Amber are both going on the trip and i am so excited for both of them. Grier's huge heart, unconditional love, and passion to work with children have blessed me in so many ways and i cannot wait to see God at work in her life and others this week in guatie. Amber is a servant. a constant rock. takes care of people. is filled with a passion to change the world. go to third world countries. live for Christ and serve as He did. Her constant laughter is going to be such an amazing blessing to our team and i am so glad that i get to be there for her first plane ride :) both of these girls are my guardian angels and i am confident in the fact that God used them to be His hands and His feet in my life. i am who i am today because of their love. He used them to give me hugs, make me laugh, love me, encourage and support me. They saved my life through Christ. He uses people like that. I think of it as himself in human form. i see Jesus when i look at their faces. i feel his presence when they are with me. through conversations. actions. it is such an important thing to me that i get to experience this trip with them :)

last year, the thing that broke my heart the most in guatemala was that people did not have shoes. they would walk barefoot through the streets filled with dirt. glass. manure. trash. filth. their feet would be torn to pieces from walking the streets of the villages without any shoes. i wanted to take my chacos off and give them to children, but they would not have fit, and i would not have been allowed to go barefoot. when i was getting things together for this years trip, i wanted nothing more than to take as many shoes as i could. that was something that broke my heart last year. i took pictures of children's feet last year because of it and i could not escape those images. nor did i want to. my mom sends a weekly letter to all of her parents of the children in her first grade class. when she sent it this week, at the bottom she told them that i would be going back to guatemala and asked if they had any children's shoes in decent condition, to bring them to school this week. today she called me from school, choking back tears of course, and said that she has over 5 shopping bags full of shoes for me to take. a class full of first graders just changed the world. a hundred children in guatemala will have a pair of shoes sent with love from six year olds in greenville, sc. that is absolutely amazing.

i am curled up in my sister's bed right now, watching elmo with my neice ella. spending the afternoon with a child who has clothes, shoes, toys, food, a house, a family. to be separated from her for 9 days. to go from one extreme to the other. to know that we are blessed beyond belief. to be grateful for what we have. to spend time with the ones we love. while our team is gone, be praying for our families back home in the states, our safety, the people of guatemala, the missionaries we will be working with, that we will serve and love like Jesus did, that we will be His hands and His feet. a light in a dark nation. thank you for your love and support and what you mean to me. thank you for investing in my life, my passion, the beat of my heart. i am truly blessed beyond measure.

http://www.tomsshoes.com/
(an organization that gives shoes to people in Africa)

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in an ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. -Mother Theresa

today.

2007-11-15T11:43:00.000-05:00

today i want to....

live in colorado.....or jackson hole, wyoming.
sit in a room with a fire going in the fireplace... no gas logs. i want to smell burning wood.
buy everything in the jcrew catalog.
curl up in a sea of blankets & watch Greys & the office on dvd for hours.
eat cinnamon toast crunch cereal.
watch dora with ella & emmy.
see Oregon and it's beauty that Mat describes to me.
cook breakfast.
vacation in a thatch roof stone cottage in the english countryside.
spend the day in NYC with tanner.
take pictures of the beautiful leaves.
pack my bags and spend the rest of the week on my family's farm.
savor & remember every moment had at 515 with my 3 best friends.
drink a ridiculous amount of coffee.
wear cowboy boots.
take a trip to seattle... just so i can have a reason to wear wellies everyday.
drive down midway road with the heat on and the windows down..... (its a 2 lane backroad in anderson with farms and it is the most beautiful sight in autumn.
run into you today. and know that it is you.
spend hours in barnes & noble with cul.
be reminded of how thankful i am.

and thats just what i want to do today.

much better to pass into that other world, in the full glory of the passions that you found here, than to fade and wither with age from watching the flickering light dim in the eyes of the living. all of life's secrets are in Your branches
-rocky votolato

leaving neverland.

2007-11-06T19:56:00.000-05:00

This past month i have followed the leaves. It has been one of change. I have come to realize that if we will just sit still and listen, new things will be revealed to us. We learn not to move through life so blindly. so quickly. ready for everything at once. A lot of times i think we suffer from tunnel vision. we set our eyes on something.... graduation. spring break. getting engaged. getting a job. plans for the weekend. moving away... and everything that surrounds it becomes blurry. we only see what is ahead, ignoring what is here and now. we focus on what we do not have, instead of what we do. we count our losses and dismiss our blessings. embrace the present because before you can blink today will be nothing more than fleeting memories and images captured on film. i've learned to savor everything in life. to pick and choose your battles. that drama is petty & self absorbing. you should laugh as much as you can. love people genuinely and intentionally. whatever seems like a big deal, probably isnt a big deal at all. let it go. Through all of these things, I have learned that my fear was actually my purpose. I was so scared of losing myself. of not knowing who i was anymore. changing so much that i didnt even recognize the girl in the mirror. scared of forgetting. of letting go. When in the end, that was what was supposed to happen all along. I had to lose myself to get where i am now. to see things in a different light. to appreciate the simple things in life and not stress out so much. i had to lose the person i was to become the person i was intended to be. i went through hell and back, holding onto myself for dear life, even when i could feel my identity being pryed from my fingers. i wouldnt let go. it was until i realized that my identity was not in other people, it was in Christ, was i able to let it go and loose myself. it left me laying lifeless and scared. little by little i started to see things differently. react differently. love differently. serve people out of love, instead of obligation. actually start living with a purpose and a passion. My fear was my purpose.

i love genuine, real conversations. i absolutely hate small talk. i think everyone secretly does. there is nothing behind it. no interest, only manners. we do it out of unconcious habit because that's what our momma's taught us growing up. when you see someone you know, you speak to them. it's rude not to. i think it is almost just as rude to be uninterested in other people's questions and answers. don't ask how school is if you dont really want to know. be intentional. that is one of my favorite things about G, she is intentional with EVERYTHING she does. when we were talking about this the other day, she was saying that no matter if she is loving or mean, atleast she is intentional in doing it. i love that about her. i respect that. she is real. i have decided that deep conversations are amazing at times... but honestly, i would rather be laughing. i used to envy my best friend kate so much because she was never serious. she could laugh about everything. let anything just roll off her shoulder. not worry about it. or take it to serious. she never overracted. she has always been someone with such a carefree spirit, full of laughter and life. virgil spends 99% of the time full of laughter. that is why i love surrounding myself with her. she knows how to love life. she loves people. it is so evident and i think it is beautiful.

i like to play games a lot. and i usually make virgil play them with me. and she is such a good sport about it and loves me enough to simply smile and oblige :) tonight at dinner we named our favorite smells. when i was thinking about mine, all of them are rooted in memories. the smell of my grandfather's after shave when it's still fresh on his cheeks.... gasoline from the boat at the lake... leaves burning on a night in november.... pumpkin spice candles let me know it's thanksgiving.... coffee brewing in my grandparents' kitchen every morning since i can remember.... christmas trees because that is the best time of year by far.... my mom's favorite spiced chestnut lotion & soap from williams sonoma.... lake water weighted with memories of summers with mama & papa... pipes that my poppa's friend, Marion Weatherford, used to smoke when i was a kid.... my sister's distinct smell reminds me of missing her when she was gone. in Nashville, in LA, in TX. she always smells the exact same. i found that smell wrapped in a blanket my freshman year of college while laying on my bedroom floor the day after she left for cali. that smell is home to me.

if i didnt have beansy to keep me grounded and accountable, i dont think i would survive each day. i am not the best listener in the world, but she is. she is always there to listen to the good, the bad, the new, the old. she keeps me on track. focused and optimistic. she even lets me listen to Christmas music in the middle of the night in October while road tripping to knoxville :) she is always there. no matter what. if i could take one thing with me when i graduate, it would be her :)

im ready to grow up.

i realized this when i was standing in the middle of the kitchen section at bed, bath, & beyond. i wanted to buy this big wooden salad bowl. or maybe i realized i wanted to grow up when i decided that i wanted high thread count sheets for Christmas. or when i was obsessing over Real Simple magazine because it made me want to decorate my house for the holidays and have a dinner party. or maybe it is just because my favorite thing to do now is wake up at 9 every morning, put on my lambs wool slippers, make a pot of coffee, and walk the dog in my flannel pajama pants, leash in one hand, mug in the other. i think i have hit that point in my life.... when i realize it's ok to move on. when maybe it's just time. i am okay with graduating. i have a peace about it... just like i did when i moved out of 515. sometimes it's just time. resisting it, instead of submitting to it, won't make our lives anything but more difficult. i'm ready.

farewell neverland.

it's okay to be fearful. people dont tell you that. but it is okay. everyone gets scared. if we didnt get scared, we would never search for answers. fear leads to doubting which teaches us to trust and strengthens our faith. lets us know it's going to be okay. He grabs me by the hand & promises He'll never let go. and for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, i believe Him. I really do. fear led me to believe. darkness led me to light. questioning led me to truth. complete surrender led me here.

peace & love.

don't release me until it's over. you cant believe without fear. -manchester orchestra

if you say no, then no it will be.

2007-11-04T11:15:00.000-05:00

hi.

i almost feel strange coming back to this because ive been gone for so long. life has been busy. really busy. tons of weddings and engagements and football games and work. i dont really know where to begin. or what to say. so im just going to talk about things that are on my mind right now in the hopes that i will forget them by the end of this.

the dreaded question for me is "what are you going to do in may when you graduate?"
all i can answer with is, "i dont want to be a graphic designer". which is the shorter version of "i dont want to do what has owned my life for the past 3 years. what i changed my major to sophmore year of college. what ive stayed an extra year of college for. what ive lost sleep over. what ive stressed out and cried over. i dont want to do that anymore. it's all been a waste of my time. that sucks to say and to hear. its truth though. when you lose passion for something, it is torturous (is that a word?) to have to do it. it takes all of you to sit down and spend hours working on your next project. maybe it's teaching me discipline. i dont know. where will i be in may? where will i move to? wherever i go, will it be with the best intentions?

the other night, my housemate meagan and i went to dinner. somehow we got on the subject of our best and worst qualities. ive never thought about this before, but im glad it came up. i think when we idnetify and admit to our weaknesses, we are more aware of them. i am very careful now not to fall prey to the three tendencies that are just heartless.

best: considerate. thoughtful. compassionate.
worst: unsympathetic. self-absorbed. spiteful.

that is a hard confession. an ugly one at that. but i am all 6 of those.

moving on.
i think that one of my favorite things ever is getting to spend time with my best friend kate. i love it. she is constant and never changes. still funny. still wierd. still messy. still very type B. i love her. and spending time with her is one of the simple things in life that makes me so glad to be here. 2 weekends from today she will move to Columbia and it will be the first time since we met in 6th grade that we will live in separate cities. i am happy for her though :)

things that stress me out lately:
health insurance. getting a paycheck just so i can pay for food & gas. graphic design. internship. what the crap im going to do with my life. raising enough support for guatemala. football (3 losses in a row after being in the top 10).

wilksy: i miss you :) and i am so ready for you to be done with school so we can spend our time watching the OC on dvd and reading the "newspaper" together while we drink coffee.

im spent. and not all here today. next blog will be more profound hopefully. love.

take a leaf of paper and draw your mind. -machester orchestra

deliverance.

2007-10-09T10:56:00.000-04:00

i made the mistake of watching deliverance yesterday.... and now i am scarred for life.

7 days lacking & cloudy skies.

2007-10-07T22:57:00.000-04:00

in another 7 days, it will be a month since i have blogged. i was emotionally exhausted from pouring myself out, that i had to take a step back & live. practice what i preach. live what i believe. try not to forget to take care of myself. it's been so long i almost forgot how to do this.... so don't look so surprised that it's going to be in list form...

1. when you put limits on yourself & you fence yourself in, you might just miss something out there on the other side. something better. something you've only heard about, but never experienced to be true.
2. things that are important to you.. things that you care deeply for... those things are worth protecting.
3. sometimes i wish i could swing as high as the sky.... but im scared of heights. scared of falling.
4. you'll find it once you stop looking for it.
5. the answer is not in what you WANT, but what you NEED.
6. steve spurrier = my hero. 2007 is the new 1984. go cocks.
7. 2 of my friends got engaged this weekend. as you all know, there's nothing i love more than a nice engagement ring & a beautiful wedding.
8. i will cement my feet to the ground... & hope it's strong enough to keep them there. dont look up. the sky is turning grey.
9. this is the opportunity. be brave. learn what it means to be courageous. to trust. to have faith. to lose control.

so close your eyes
you can sing this song when I'm gone
it won't be long before another day
we're gonna have a good time
no one's gonna take that time away
you can stay as long as you like
-james taylor

catching up.

2007-09-14T00:00:00.000-04:00

this past week has been one of exhaustion, little rest, and a lot on my mind. i wanted to blog so much this week, but i was so overwhelmed & weighted down that i couldnt put it into words. i couldnt tell the story without processing the journey. i still need more time. i need a weekend away. ill go to cola. be lazy. spend all day saturday tailgating and getting pumped for the game that night. then ill go home to greenville sunday for my grandparents wedding anniversary party with my entire huge family that i love so much :)

what is to come in the blog.

- my thoughts on The Almost show that i went to at new brookland tavern.
- what i want to do with my life.
- love. what is enough... right.. wrong...
- things i want to do
- football (go cocks :)
- my amazing nieces
- having trouble saying "no" to people & plans.

for now, ill leave you with this.

as i sit here & type this brief glimpse into the past 6 days of my crazy world, i find myself in my niche. my home for over 2 years. half of my life in college. 515 evans street. 2nd room on the right. sitting on hardwood floor. in a room that isnt mine anymore. nothing is familiar. it is filled with new stuff & new people. residents from the room next door. above the door is a painted canvas that reads...

dear children, we must show LOVE through actions that are sincere. not through empty words. - 1 john 3:18

thank you yosh & slamber :) that verse made my week.

settle down.

2007-09-05T00:14:00.000-04:00

i found myself being drawn back here to the blog today... but with nothing to write about. nothing to say. so maybe ill just start typing. thinking. feeling. and we'll see what comes out.

today i puked during photography class. came home & slept from 9-3. called in sick to work. not a virus. not food poisoning (for once). just exhaustion & dehydration. im pushing myself too hard. leaving no time to just sit and be. im letting everything get ahead of me. slip away. pass me by in a quick blur. im forgetting to savor it. every moment of it. every laugh. tear. nap. memory. before we can blink, it'll be gone.

this past weekend was the start of college football. ok actually last thursday was. saturday i made my way down to the garnet oasis. garnet everywhere. flags flying. cornhole. tailgating. little black dresses. visors. 2001. the ol' ball coach. family tradition. it felt good to be back where i belong every saturday during the fall. not merely a speck lost in a sea of orange. instead a little black dress in the midst of 85,000 of my closest friends. go cocks.

i took a hiatus from blogging for a little bit because i couldnt comprehend what i was thinking. feeling. let alone put it into words & publish it on the internet for everyone else to divulge themselves in. that is, if anyone still reads this.

You give and take away.

the past 10 days marked many one year anniversaries.
the loss of a friend. daughter. sister. teammate.
the break up that blindsided everyone.
the kept secret that broke the girl in two.

my heart will choose to say. Lord blessed be Your name.

even one year later, new relationships are being built. old ones are being lost. wedges are being driven between. friendships suffer earthquakes. love is tested. backs are turned. people embrace. hands are held. tears are dried. questions answered. lives defined. plans are changed. houses rearranged. new sparks ignite. curiousity grows. think before you speak. patience child. BE STILL AND KNOW.

no this isnt the academy awards, but i all of the sudden feel the need to thank a few people...

thank you beansy for encouraging me to find my way back here to this. to write. to blog. to come home. i love you :)

virgy: thank you for weekly dinner dates. and never selling out. love.

k$. thank you for just being. my sister. my best friend. for not pushing. being patient. listning. for always being in the wings waiting on me when i need you. i love you.

dee. thank you for letting me escape to cola for the game :) i wouldnt have missed it for the world. you are amazing.

lg. for texting me when im late for class bc im sleeping still. for standing in the bathroom while i puke at 8:30 in the morning during photography. for sneaking to chic fil a with me during breaks. inspiration and love.

ramber. whether you know this or not, you have been a rock for me lately. i cant really explain it. love shines through you when you dont even know it. and for that i am thankful.

make time to dance alone with one hand waving free.
-elizabethtown

the city girl.

2007-08-28T01:36:00.000-04:00

i'd build you a house...

like being in love, she said, for the first time.

2007-08-22T16:06:00.000-04:00

i read a quote by goethe on the front of vanity fair when demi moore was on the cover months ago. i wrote it down and it stays on my desk.

"girls we love for what they are; young men for what they promise to be."

living for now with what i have. spending time with my best friends in the entire world, whether that be dancing on couches & coffee tables at 321, dinner at panera, or late night talks. i love them for who they are and for what they mean to me. we have been through so much together. ups and downs. laughs and tears. breakups and breakdowns. we are family. that is a bond that no one, not even satan can destroy. we love each other gently and protect each other strongly. if you screw with one of us, you screw with all of us. that we wont stand for.

boys:
love us for what we are...daughters of the king.
be what you promise to be. treat us how you say you would. how you know you should.

i have blogged about one of my best friends on a few occasions and she knows it. after one of our conversations that we had other night (on a back porch that was not ours) i was driving home and i thought about the two of us and our friendship. our bond that we share. we both were running away from issues and pain and the mess that we had created of our lives. we ended up running into each other and God was right there waiting on us when we got there. He pretty much flipped both of our worlds upside down in and through each other. we both separately came to the realization that we never really loved God and lived everyday for Him. we were living for ourselves. and for others. and designer jeans. and ipods. for selfish desires. and sinful nature. for nail polish. and road trips. we saw through each other the power of Jesus and the change that His love brings about. we could look in from the outside and see God transforming and molding and teaching both of us how to love, obey, have faith. we learned to not just KNOW, but to BELIEVE. we still learn from each other everyday. we look back and talk about where we have been. where we are. where we are going. the struggles we experienced. the scars that we got. the people that we hurt. we do this in seeing the healing, heart mending, learning, rescuing that took place. life defining moments that changed our lives. our hearts. our decisions. our resting place. He forgave and He saved.

"and in Him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by His spirit." -ephesians 2:22

thank you Jesus for amazing, intentional, real conversations that are a way of investing in the lives of others. encouragement is investing. understanding is the door that leads to compassion. open it and step through.

we're crashing into the unknown.
we're lost in this but it feels like home
i'm feeling alive all over again.
like being in love, to feel for the first time.
-lifehouse

if you get there before i do, dont give up on me.

2007-08-15T15:23:00.000-04:00

friends came back.
awesome.
started spending all my time with them.
awesome.
ditched God the second they got to town.
not awesome.

i had a nightmare last night. felt so real. in the dream, i got sick & found out i had a month to live. its been bothering me all day. hope it never comes true. ever.
back to school booty whoever cookout last night was great. like one big reunion. so glad to be back with everyone. in the same town again. so thankful for laughter and friends. thank you wislon boys for good times had by all.

feeling a weight on my chest today. slow breaths. in & out. blink once. three times. paint a smile on. fake a laugh. everything is okay. appearing.

learning.
1. doing things selflessly, out of unconditional love, expecting nothing in return. being prepared to be ignored...mocked...disliked.
2. you cant go backwards. only forward.
3. stop looking for someone to love. fall in love with the one who created the someone.
4. accept that some people will never forget your past.
5. God's forgiveness set me free.

no one ever said learning was easy. no one ever said it would be this hard.

ive been waiting for 6 months to hear the words "i forgive you".
i just now am learning that i dont need to.
God forgives me every day for it.
that is enough.

tomorrow..... my last first day of school.
class on tues & thurs only.
8:00 photog. 11:00 graphic design 3
no mwf = 4 day weekends.
that must be the reward for going to school for 5 years.
yay for being a senior..... again.

this is a new year. a new life. a chance to do it different.

until next time. peace & love.

look:
at people through the eyes of Jesus.
to build new relationships
http://lgphotography.blogspot.com/

listen:
First Time - lifehouse
Misery Business - paramore
Amazing Because It Is - the almost
Almost Lover - a fine frenzy
Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight - amos lee
Boondocks - little big town

read:
ephesians
Time magazine

love:
God
yourself
others

this is a quote i stumbled across. it really doesnt apply to my life right now bc i am not resenting anyone. but it speaks a great truth.

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. -catherine ponder

surprise.

2007-08-08T00:46:00.000-04:00

i got an awesome surprise today. and i am very hard to surprise. i always figure it out. however, i love surprising other people. i have only successfully been surprised twice before this time. one involving waking up to puppies. the other was on the day i returned from a summer spent in nashville. when i was a junior in high school, a surprise party was thrown for me & my brother forgot to go inside & tell everyone i was here. so i walked into the sight of liz standing in my kitchen eating the catered food from Taco Casa. she stared at me blankly & said "surprise." people dont even attempt surprising me. however. today took the cake. it was pulled off in true jamie form. i now can say i have had 3 amazing surprises and i loved each of them. here is the story.

grier leaves at the end of june to move to tupelo, mississippi. i spend a lot of time with her before she leaves. debbie & i take her to lunch the day before she hits the road. the entire time im joking about she better come back & not stay down there. three weeks into it, she calls to tell me she is not coming back. i cried. she cried. but i told her i loved her & if she was happy there & felt that she was doing what God wanted her to do & what she loved, then i was happy for her. i go to nasvhille this past weekend & the whole time im missing beansy & grier bc they were there with me last summer & they both left for far away places this summer (tupelo & new orleans). grier tells me she has a present for me & ill get it in a few days. i assume its coming FedEx.

today im sitting at work at the front desk. it was a very slow day. i happen to be texting jacob about dinner plans tonight, when someone walks in the lobby. i dont look up and i say "can i help you?". the person doesnt answer, they just clear their throat (examples: kate. & sara jessica parker in the family stone). i look up & there standing in front of me in Miss Grier Caroline Parrott. i thought i was seeing things. seriously. i just sat there looking confused. and she said "Jame". and i screamed (yes. screamed. ask the girls i work with) "Lord Jesus in Heaven" because i thought i had seen a ghost.

after hugging. and crying (how lame am i) and more hugging. and screaming. we left and went to greenville to surprise debbie, which was hilarious. she is not going back. she is staying here. and i am so so so happy that she is back :)

beansy also got back today from new orleans! she moves back to atown on friday and i CANNOT FREAKIN WAIT!! :)

tonight we were sitting at 515 in mine & kate's old room (which is now amber & jess'). almost all of us. the family.... me. grant. B. jess. kate. amber. grier. jacob. tyler. even rae was there. it was awesome. grant & i were sitting there beside each other just watching everyone laugh & tell stories. then grant said exactly what i was thinking "its so good to be back".

i am so thankful for friends. & surprises.

the parade got rained on later tonight when i got home & was just thinking about stuff & reading emails. sometimes i feel like im coming undone, little by little. is that just me? i feel displaced in a sense. i feel like a stranger to certain things. what is that feeling. i can physically feel it in my chest. it's as if someone set a brick right on my chest. it is taking everything in me to breathe up & down... in & out. all of my strength.

God please help me get back up. dont let these bricks weight me down. show me peace. teach me strength. let your love abound in & through me.

We praise love over wisdom, forgetting that wisdom teaches us how to love. We want success over patience and wealth of every sort over poverty of any kind. We would rather be faithless than judged—would rather be in a relationship of an unhealthy bent than alone and deep down dreamless if it would prevent the ache of desire from sneaking up and staying behind. Avoid pain, avoid loss, avoid need. Always forgetting that we are vessels, not simply pure content. -laura willis

the nash.

2007-08-03T23:21:00.000-04:00

one year ago tomorrow, i was driving home from nashville. packed up my summer. loaded the car. and only stopped once to get gas. it was the beginning of a self destructive downward spiral that would almost result in the end of my life. that was exactly one year ago.

one year later, i am back in nashville. i have only been here twice since i left last summer. once was in the middle of one of the hardest weeks of my life. the second time was when i left cola in the middle of the night & "ran away" with AJ & B for the remainder of fall break.

im back. a city full of memories. tears. seclusion.
i lost myself in this city. bits & pieces scattered throughout hillsborough village. the bread & co in the west end. the 9th floor of a sky scraper on broadway. loudon circle.

why did i even come back here...

That's the risk you take if you change: that people you've been involved with won't like the new you. But other people who do will come along. -lisa alther

car door to the face.

2007-08-02T00:18:00.000-04:00

today i finished moving.
ill rd trip to nashville with my sister.
& then start my life in the hills at the colony compound.
B gets here one week from today! Beans gets home monday!!! i have missed both of them so much.
tonight i took my sister, my brother in law & my mom to sweet tooth cafe.
oh the fine citizens of anderson. i love it.
we also had to call "the law" at work today to have an irate individual escorted off the property.
kate calls me to tell me that she got pulled over on the way to cola, her mom's car broke down, her brother got in a wreck & will had to come jump start her car in clinton.
the night ended with a bang when i opened my car door into my face. literally.
knocked me out.
the gash looks nice.
im hoping for a good scar, of course.
got it glued instead of stitched.
nice butterfly bandage smack on my forehead above my right eye.
people get to stare at that for weeks & give me awkward looks.
ill prob just tell them i got into a fight.
head is throbbing.
so this will be shorter than usual. and i hope it actually makes sense.
did i mention that the room is slightly spinning....
p.s. kate: the picture is just for you. stop laughing.

last night i had dinner with an amazing girl with a beautiful heart. i am thankrul for new friendships and new beginnings.

as I look into the stars
pondering how far away they are
how You hold them in Your hands
and still You know this man
you know my inner most being
what a beautiful God
what am I, that I might be called Your child.
-shawn mcdonald (what am i)

fairy tales.

2007-07-25T15:10:00.000-04:00

some might say that i am quite a movie fanatic. others might say that i am a complete bookworm. both would be correct. i have been known to IMDB just about everything, obnoxiously quote my favorite movies, & know random facts about movies i have never even seen. i always have a book in my oversized purse. if im in greenville, 90% of the time you can find me in barnes & noble. i like stories... whether told through film or books. i have a rule where i always read the book first. i can develop my own images. movies just develop them for you. i love the stories because they are other people's problems, other people's triumphs, failures, love lives. it is fake. separate from reality. it doesnt affect me. alter my life. i like stories because i am so detached from it. just a member of the audience. i didnt have to "feel" if i didnt want to.

sometimes we get sucked into these stories. most movies and books that are fiction, do not accurately portray the events of life. i have never been rowed into an entire cove of swans by an exboyfriend who has spent the last 6 years of his life restoring the house i had dreamed of living in one day. i didnt get voted prom queen, homecoming queen, student body president, captain of the cheerleading squad... all while dating the quarterback of the football team. the boy doesnt always get the girl, the underdog doesnt always come back from a 50 point deficit and win the championship game. ive never had a boy drive cross country all through the night to show up on my doorstep and tell me he loved me and always had and that he couldnt live without me. does that happen at all? to anyone? we get lost in the fairy tales. the happily ever afters. carrie stokes told me some of the best advice ive ever heard in my entire life: "expectations are joy's greatest thief". we buy into the lie that life is actually like that... sleepless in seattle. sweet home alabama. sixteen candles. and when that boy doesnt show up at our door months later. when the cinderella team doesnt win the game. when the dad doesnt make it home from war. when the boy doesnt get the girl. we are SO let down. disappointed. that our lives didnt play out like a movie on a big screen or this month's new york times' best seller.

i dont know how i got off on this tangent or how i started thinking about this today. all i know is i was listening to the Jon McLaughlin song Just Give It Time... and this is what spurred from spurred from it. that song def sums up my entire senior year of college (the 1st senior year. not the 2nd.. which is about the begin. yay for 5th yr seniors.) listen to the song. read the lyrics. i think its pretty freakin awesome.

yay for talking to beansy tonight through our awesome messaging system that we have had going on all summer long.

tomorrow i get to see wilksy :) driving to cola town after work to save her & whatever sanity she has left. i move on saturday!

p.s. where are the rhett butler's of the world? they need to rise up.

there's one thing I do know... and that is that I love you, Scarlett. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. Because we're alike. I've loved you more than I've ever loved any woman and I've waited for you longer than I've ever waited for any woman. Here's a soldier of the South who loves you, Scarlett. Wants to feel your arms around him, wants to carry the memory of your kisses into battle with him.
-rhett butler talking to scarlett o'hara (Gone With the Wind)

acknowledgements.

2007-07-23T23:38:00.000-04:00

who knew that moving out could be so exhausting. i was not meant to do heavy lifting, that is for sure. all that is left in mine & kate's room, that is actually mine, is my dresser/mirror, my desk, & my clothes. the room is so empty now and barely feels like home (minus all 50000 pictures). it has been def physically exhausting. i thought it would also be emotionally exhausting, but it hasnt been at all. no crying. no sadness. just overwhelmed with the anticipation for a new beginning. God must have figured that he would give me a break from the emotional part, after surviving the past year. which i am very grateful for. i seriously wake up feeling strong, knowing i can make it through the day, through the move, through the changes. ive never felt that before. i am so thankful and so blessed that He has been bestowing that grace on me and continues to do so. it has made this process bearable and amazing. i can remember when He first told me to move out of 515 and i kept saying no... and he kept saying "trust me." i did. and He pulled through as always. why do i hesitate? that time. anytime. why? KNOWING He has what is best for me. ill trust a flawed person, but not the perfect creator who put the stars in the sky?!

is it just me, or have you ever looked back and noticed that there was a time when you were completely not yourself? i didnt realize it at the time. i felt normal at the time. i thought i was myself. how did i slip into this alter ego? not split personality, but i guess when you become so enthralled in something you lose yourself in a sense. i dont really even know the person i was for almost a year of my life. that is a scary thing. how did i lose control? oh wait. im not the one who is in control anyways. i put my identity in another person, instead of in Christ. i hated the person i became. at the end of the day i would think... why did i act like that? why did i say that? why did i make such a big deal about nothing? this is not me. but i kept living a lie as a stranger. who was that girl? i dont think it was the influence of anyone. i think that instead of dying to myself, i was living for myself. for selfish reasons. not for God. not to love others. not to be His hands and feet. i was living blindly. to see how miserable it made me. and the relationships it hurt and the things it destroyed. it was not worth it. i didnt gain anything. i was in it to gain whatever it was that i wanted. and i got nothing. not even an inch.

i move this weekend. its a new beginning. the real me.

wilksy & lins always tell me how i am going to write a book one day. wilksy asked me one day if i was going to mention her in the Acknowledge page. i wouldnt have it any other way :) lins called me tonight and told me that she reads my blog all the time. i was actually thinking to myself yesterday, does anyone even read this? i do it not just for myself, but also for others. how does she always know when i need encouragement? amazing. lins told me tonight that i have to write a book. and that she would be the first to buy it. she said my words are so powerful that they move her. i dont say these things to brag. i say these things so that you can see the hearts of two girls who i am so so thankful for. who are so encouraging. i am so blessed and loved. they are both so beautiful :) and i am glad they are my best friends.

and for a minute there, i lost myself. -panic at the disco

all my life i've looked at words as though i were seeing them for the first time. -hemingway

going to the chapel.

2007-07-21T23:20:00.000-04:00

today was the day of weddings. my friends laura beth & blake got married at 2:00 in greer and my friends kimberly & steven got married at 6:00 in powdersville. i am exhausted. a lot of that probably has to do with dancing for 3 hours straight at the second wedding. my feet are hurtin. both weddings were beautiful. i love weddings. it was so good to see everyone. LB & blake's wedding was like a reunion. next wedding is Bridget & david's on oct 10. then matthew ables... then jerri & davey... then kg & brandon... then rebecca & jeremy. one of which i am a program attendant and one of which i am a bridesmaid. then there is rebecca & graydon followed by missy.... which i am a photographer for both. is it just me or is everyone getting engaged/married. ive already had 4 weddings previous to these two...just in the past 2 months.

so. ive gone to a ton of weddings this year, half of my friends are engaged, and girl i work with is planning her wedding all the time. i wont lie... its hard not to think about your own wedding. i am finally content with the fact that i am not engaged like everyone else i know. i have too much fun living with girls i love, spontaneous road trips with best friends, slumber parties, etc... all things that dont really happen when you are married. life is too good. too free. too fun. right now for me to be tied down. i just now learned how to live my life without being too dependent on others. im just now comfortable in my own skin. i think i just recently learned to truly love myself & others. im not ready for the rest of my life or the real world. im ready for tomorrow.

dont get me wrong now. i do want to get married. im the girl who has had her wedding planned for the past 18 years of her 22 year life. im type-A. if you know me, you know that i am "that girl". ive thought of everything. i could probably plan my wedding in 2 months if i had to... but i would rather not suffer a heartattack in my early twentys. everytime i go to weddings, when the bride walks down the aisle, i always watch the groom. something about the groom's reaction is so moving. just to see a guy in awe of his beautiful bride..maybe even teary eyed on some ocassions. at LB's wedding today, i just could sense this happiness. her & blake both just looked love struck. it was so beautiful. i have had the priveledge of knowing them before they started dating.. during.. and as they got engaged & began planning the wedding. just to see how they have learned and survived and changed is so incredible.

i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. to get married in my grandparent's church. to walk down the ailse. to see my love standing at the end waiting on me. to wear a beautiful white gown. to have sex (come on. you know you were thinkin it too.) to sit for hours & stare at the diamond engagement ring that will be on my left ring finger. to love someone through sickness & health. to see my friends cry. to hug my family bye. to have a house of my own. to wake up to my husband every morning. to grow old together.

its a strange feeling picturing your wedding when the groom does not have a face. not knowing who you will love you unconditionally... flaws & quirks & all.

i cant wait.
i want to serve my husband.
i look forward to it.
it makes me melt just thinking about it.

but first.
ill go back to guatie.
ill go love orphans in africa.
ill move out of 515.
ill graduate college.
ill attend a ton more weddings.
ill fall in love.
ill be as much like Jesus as i can.

and im okay with that. im not ready for the rest of my life just yet. just tomorrow will do for now.

Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still?
I have and I always will.
-dave barnes

breaking free.

2007-07-18T23:27:00.000-04:00

i have read velvet elvis more than once. ok more than twice. every time i read it, i learn something new. i dive into a part of it that i read over the first and third time. i read a sentence differently than i did the second time. i feel something new with every page.

in one chapter rob bell is talking about when he pretty much was a low as he could go. he was sitting in a closet. he describes his experience with such desperation and emotion, his words come alive and embody your soul.

without pain, we dont change.

sometimes you have to hit rock bottom, in order to get back up. when you lose everything and you get to that point of desperation, you try to grab onto anything you can that might can pull you out and save you from the terrible real-life nightmare you are living through. we want to be rescued, so we look to people to fix us. to piece us back together. make us better. when they cant, we blame them. if a person could fix us, we wouldnt have any reason to ask God to help us. rob bell sums it up perfectly...

if i didnt change, i was not going to make it.
it was in that abyss that i broke & got help... because it's only hit bottom & are desperate enough that things start to get better.

just because we decide to change & let our wounds be healed, doesnt mean all suffering ceases and we get the easy way out. a great deal of pain comes with restoration. we have to be broken of the old in order to get become the new. sometimes God has to beat it out of us. when we let go of everything weighting us down on the bottom of the ocean floor, we are cut loose, slowly floating to the top so we can breathe again.

and a new journey began, one that has been very, very painful. and very, very freeing.

we begin to take baby steps. learning how to crawl. then walk. eventually running. we have to learn to love ourselves. love God. love others. in these things we will find happiness and peace.

we understand peace to be the absence of conflict.

we have a distorted view of what inner peace is.
peace.
shalom.
the presence of the goodness of God. it's the presence of wholeness, completeness.
we are not made up of flaws. cracks. things we lack.
our focus sits idle on pessimism... hindering hope and paralyzing our hearts and mind.

there is the ongoing need to return to the cross to be reminded of our brokenness and dependence on God. the point of the cross isnt forgiveness. forgiveness leads to something much bigger: restoration.

we are broken by the only one who can repair us.
we were saved.
bought.
claimed.
by grace.

it is one thing to be forgiven; it is another thing to become more and more and more and more the person God made you to be.

in order to do that we have to break free of guilt. disobedience. selfishness. all the sin that hinders us from being "that" person. when we do not fully give ourselves to God and live just as he intended for us, it is as if he is giving us a beautiful picture he has painted and we splatter mud all across it. we break God's heart over and over, throwing his pictures in the mud, yet he always repaints is for us.

for Jesus to heal my soul, i had to stare my junk right in the face. it will be there until it is hunted down and identified and dealt with. running is prolonging. wherever you go, there you are. i have learned that the deeper you go, the more painful it gets. we have to be willing to drag up everything.

that is by far the most emotionally draining process i have ever had to go through. you have to erase people. emotions. memories. thoughts. impulses. it is as if you are in an emotional rehab trying to detox yourself of all of the junk that consumed you and turned you into the junkie that you are. hanging on by a thread. we become physically and emotionally exhausted trying to be who other people want us to be, instead of who we were created to be.

whe happens is our lives become so heavily oriented around the expectations of others that we become more and more like them and les and less like ourselves.

we are not in control. we have to stop living in the past. look and move forward. leave the old. step into the new. trust. listen. be the beautiful masterpiece that God has painted for us.

but i am not defined by what i am not. and understanding this truth is a huge part of becoming whole. i had to stop living in reaction and start letting a vision for what lies ahead pull me forward.

the purple huffy.

2007-07-17T01:31:00.000-04:00

tonight i was going to blog about Africa and what i have been learning in the past week. i have been doing a lot of research and making phone calls and reading up. i was ready to pour my heart out about the movement that is happening right now to aid Africa and its people.

however.

i have decided to delay that blog for the time being. i lost sight of it when the policeman was standing in our very messy den... filing a report on the burglary of 515.

calm down. there were no guns involved. i have no tales of heroism, armed robbers, ski masks, or a visit from Carl. Jess left at 4 and i got home from work at 5. i parked my car in the driveway instead of pulling around back. not really sure why. i was home by myself, up in amber's loft reading & on my computer. the house was dead silent. so we know it wasnt during that time. i left at 9:15 to go to Chic Fila and CVS. i got home at 9:50. Amber got to the house at 10. when i pulled around back i noticed that the door to our basement had been broken off of our house and was laying on the ground with mine & katie's bikes on top of it. i thought "jess must have cut the grass this afternoon". amber thought the same thing. jess rolls up around midnight... come to find out, the lawnmower was stolen. this is scary for us in the sense that there were less than 2 hours today that no one was here. so someone had to have been watching us and our house. they knew what they were coming for... or so the policeman says... because the bikes are closest to the door and the lawnmower is pushed to the back... so they had to break off the door, pull the bikes out, go into the back and get the mower. they either did it in broad day light, or during the 30 minute span i was gone.

freaky.

so the cop comes... super nice. did the search. wrote the report. looked around the house. talked to us about an alarm, a new front door, a new lock, a new chain, etc. i suggested the swat team. come to find out he is on the swat team. ironic. he told us to call if we saw anyone walking slowly down the street. he should probably just get a beeper then.... or his phone will be ringing off the hook.

when he was looking out back at everything... he said "they probably didnt take that bike because it's purple". there is NOTHING wrong with the purple huffy. i think i might take it to a pawn shop when we go looking for the mower though.

reinforcements were sent & andrew is here to stay with us. im sleeping in the floor in yosh & ramber's room because kate is in cola town.

ohhhhh the stories that come from experiences at 515 :)

i still wanna know why they didnt take the purple huffy....

first walk. then run.

2007-07-13T23:45:00.000-04:00

today has been full of strangeness. here is a short list of randomocity from today.

1. jess & i watched the mill burn to the ground.
2. fire is really really hot... even from 100 yards away.
3. all the roads were blocked off, so i couldnt get to work for a while.
4. today i brought the camera to work... me & lindsey & rebecca (two girls i work with) documented a day of work in our office. hilarious.
5. debbie got mad at me.
6. trey's parents & sister came in town today.
7. ate at smoke on the water for the first time. (i know. i cant believe i havent eaten there yet either).
8. found out im going back to guatie for sure. dec 8-18 :) yes!!!!

this week i was missing wilksy so bad... i almost left work & drove to cola to see her. i love that. missing someone that much. im so thankful to have her as one of my best friends :) daily encouragement from beans... unbelievable. she is constant.. through good & bad. never leaves my side. im so glad she has had an amazing experience in nawlins... but i am ready for her to come back! my lins got a job! big girl in a big girl world :) she's gotta make some money so we can go to savannah come august!

i got self-absorbed tonight. i hate that. when you can see it happen. it makes me dislike myself. i am still learning. baby steps. as jake would say... im running before i can walk. it was good to be back in atown this week. i dont know what i would do without jake & amazing conversations. i want him to start blogging. he could be the next donald miller.

people have helped me a lot in my life. but especially in the past year. i respect that and am so thankful for that. i want to be a person that people can come to like that. i didnt know i was capable of being that for anyone. tonight one of my friends told me that she almost drove over an hour to see me because she was freakin out. im so glad that she knows she can do that and that i will always be here. i love helping people. as she was pouring her heart out to me, she kept saying she wanted to change. she wanted to be different. she wanted to not be so self-absorbed. she spoke with such passion that i could almost feel change. i could see it coming. taking shape. so awesome. i love learning. i love watching people learn. change is so beautiful. her heart is beautiful. and so is she :)

sometimes i feel like i care so much and i am so filled with the desire to love, that i dont do it right. maybe there isnt a wrong way. i feel like i love in the wrong places. does that make sense? b always used to tell me that i care about others so much. and i do. sometimes i wish i didnt.... but thats bc its not always easy. why do we defer from anything that is remotely challenging? it is hard to care/love and it not be reciprocated or appreciated. unconditional. it teaches me to love for unselfish reasons. so ill continue to love. and care. it breaks down walls. it mends. it prevails. why do people resist it?

tomorrow i have 2 lingerie showers & a bachelorette party. busy afternoon & night.
my mind is racing tonight. i cant wait to go read more Velvet Elvis. goodnight all.

You've got so much love in you. - the rocket summer